A sunny day in DC
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Kicked out of his home universe and then booted from Marvel, Xander better hope DC has a more lenient immigration policy. A possible future for: Walking on Sunshine.
1. Chapter 1

**A Sunny Day In DC**

The air twisted and tore, throwing a blond haired man in a red, blue and yellow outfit into the sky above Gotham.

Xander quickly regained control over his flight and looked at the rapidly shrinking tear in the sky. "Well, that sucked," he decided. He sighed and looked around the city, noting all the dark alleys and gothic architecture, quickly figuring out where he was. "At least they exiled me to the right universe," he said, wondering which version of the local DC Universe he was in.

Using super speed he broke up twelve muggings, five car jacking's, and one drunk driver by destroying their weapons while leaving the perpetrators untouched. Having their weapons reduced to balls of twisted metal caused every one of the criminals to rethink their plans for the day and the drunk driver to wonder what had happened to his car and why he was sitting on a rough metal cube in the middle of the sidewalk.

A blonde haired girl in a similar outfit appeared in front of Xander in a blur of speed. "Who are you? Where are you from? Why didn't you turn them into the police?" she asked rapidly.

"Xander," he introduced himself, holding out a hand to shake. "I'm from another universe, don't know where and have no way back. A lot of criminals commit crimes because they have no other way to feed themselves or make a living and I'm not sure what the local laws on superheroes even are."

She shook his hand. "Kara Zor-El. Are you of the House of El or did you just copy the design?"

"Magically adopted into the house, which is a bit of a story, but yes, I am Kryptonian," he told her, guessing what she really wanted to know.

"So... not an alternate version of me?" she asked curiously, looking him over and seeing how similar he looked to her as compared to Kal and finding very few points of similarity with either of them beyond the hair and eyes.

"I was actually a magical clone of you or one of your alternates, at one point, but I got it sorted out so I was me again, though Kryptonian," he answered, having to make an effort not to use his X-ray vision, on the cute and perky blonde that was hovering in front of him.

"Do you have all my memories?" she asked nervously, freezing in place as she considered some of the things she did and thought in private.

"An alternative you," he reminded her, "so probably not any of your actual memories, even if some might be similar in parts."

"Would you object to coming to meet my cousins and his paranoid friends so we can fill you in on everything you need to know and make sure you're safe?" she asked hopefully as she relaxed and smiled once more.

"You sound like you've run into alternate selves before," Xander said, surprised as he hadn't thought it was actually that common in any branch of DC he knew of.

"I think everyone in the League has, at least once," Kara said with a shrug.

"That's a bit surprising. Well, I've got no objections to some local introductions and paperwork," Xander agreed.

Kara took his hand and tapped her right ear. "Two to port."

In a flash they were gone.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"... And the only two things left are to meet J'onn and then medical," Kara told Xander as he finished scanning a pamphlet on registering as a former resident of a parallel universe in the US.

"The help with paperwork and registration are great and the files you had me read are helpful, but wasn't I supposed to meet your cousin and his paranoid friends?" he teased.

"J'onn will do a light scan of your mind to make sure you are who you say you are and if you like, he can do a deep scan to make sure you are who you think you are and that no one has implanted any commands or programming in your noggin," she explained, smirking. "My cousin is usually busy but hang around enough and you'll meet him."

Xander blinked. "Just so you know, only the fact that you're cute has made this seem in any way reasonable," he flirted. "Besides I doubt he's my type."

Kara laughed and lead him down the hall, waving hi at a few capes along the way.

J'onn J'onzz aka the Martian Manhunter was waiting in the medical bay.

"I've been possessed twice, once by a primal hyena spirit," Xander warned, once the introductions were done.

"That's helpful to know. How complete a scan would you feel comfortable with me performing?" the Martian asked.

"Let me know if you find something interesting and I'll trust in your ethics to keep the rest to yourself," Xander replied. "Just be careful, my mind is a scary place."

"I'll keep that in mind," J'onn said a glint of amusement in his eyes.

Xander looked around the medical bay while J'onn did his thing and Kara ran a blood sample she obtained from him with a red penlight and a lancing tool. He found his mind considering various ways to use time and dimensional travel to create a large enough population to restore currently near extinct races while he waited. "Be sure to destroy my sample," he told Kara, knowing that if the blood sample was left lying around Lex or Waller would get their hands on it and he'd have to deal with evil clones or some mystical hoodoo targeting him.

"Will do," Kara promised, adding a sample of her own blood to the machine and checking something.

"Anything?" Xander asked J'onn as he tapped his chin and looked thoughtful.

"The numerous mental overlays you've undergone has given you a rather unique viewpoint and enhanced your ability to empathize with others," the Martian replied. "Other than that, your mind is your own."

"That's what I like to hear," Xander said cheerfully.

"And done," Kara said, hitting a button and destroying both blood samples. "You have a clean bill of health and your blood is Kryptonian, not bizaro or cloned or spliced and surprisingly divergent from the house of El while still registering as distantly related."

"Also good," Xander agreed. "Now what?"

"How do you feel about chili?" Kara asked shyly.

 **0o0o0o0o0**

"What can you tell us?" Batman asked J'onn as he entered the monitor room.

"He's a good man, not born of the House of El as he said, but adopted into it," J'onn offered.

"Should he be offered a place in the League?" Wonder Woman asked.

"It would be a poor fit," J'onn said. "His philosophy is quite different than your average hero and is best suited for dealing with demonic threats, which he's had a fair amount of experience with."

"Reserve member, call in on mystical matters?" Superman suggested.

"Also disaster relief and search and rescue," J'onn added. "While being a full member wouldn't be advisable he is still quite willing to help people."

"What did the medical tests show?" Superman asked.

"Kryptonian, no anomalies, responds to red solar energy and kryptonite as normal, has much less energy stored than either you or Kara, and his genes are compatible with Kara's," Batman finished up.

"Compatible?" Superman asked. "Why did you have her run that test?"

"I didn't," Batman replied, not saying anything more.

"He's weaker than Kara," Wonder Woman noted. "Is that from lack of solar exposure?"

"Most likely," J'onn agreed.

"Meaning he'll get stronger over time," Batman noted aloud. "Is there anything else you feel we should know about him?"

"I would suggest working with him on rescue and humanitarian missions and getting to know him for yourself," J'onn said. "I've said all I believe he'd feel comfortable with me saying already."

"So... Kara ran the compatibility test on her own?" Superman asked awkwardly.

"Considering the number of male Kryptonians available..." Wonder Woman hinted, amused.

"Point," Superman conceded with a sigh.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I usually don't go here as Kara," Supergirl said as they landed in front of a diner in Metropolis.

"I haven't bothered with a secret identity," Xander said. "Of course I haven't had time to have a life yet, I'd just gotten my place set up and comfortable when I got booted out of the universe for being an anomaly, since that reality lacked Kryptonians. If I wanted privacy I just carried a bag marked props and people assumed I was a public entertainer and left me alone."

"And that works?" she asked surprised.

"Well ... it was Florida and they hadn't heard of Superman," he said thoughtfully.

"The 'S' is pretty well known here," she said with a grin.

"We could just dress in regular clothes and let it go at that," Xander suggested.

Kara smiled as she considered that. She could dress in something nice without hiding or acting to maintain the honor of her House. "I think I'd like that. Now we just need clothes."

"Cash and a thrift store," Xander suggested. "Thankfully we have powers well suited to legally acquiring cash in a hurry."

"Really?" she asked curiously. "Why a thrift store?" she added before he could answer.

"Yep, easily. Because clothes that have obvious wear help you blend in much better," Xander replied. "New clothes means money, a disguise, a recent accident or a gift... many possible things, while old clothes just mean old clothes."

"That makes sense," she agreed thoughtfully.

Xander scanned the city, searching for something before saying, "River outside the city," and zipping off with Kara following him as he played follow the leader tossing in a few loops and rolls just for fun, making her laugh.

"What's here?" she asked as they floated over the river just under the bridge.

"A purse buried in the cement since the 50's," Xander replied, gesturing to a cement pillar.

Kara used her X-Ray vision on the bridge support spotting the purse instantly. "I see it, but how will we get it out without damaging the structure?"

"We cut a section of cement out and replace it," Xander replied, as he turned and spotted a granite boulder. He floated over to it and placed a hand on its surface. After a moment's concentration, he pulled his hand up and a perfect rectangle of granite came up with it as if glued to his hand.

"How did you do that?!" Kara demanded, never having seen Kal pull anything remotely similar.

"You concentrated on pure strength rather than aura manipulation, didn't you?" Xander guessed.

"Aura manipulation?" Kara said curiously.

"Most of our strength and invulnerability comes from the aura we generate around ourselves," Xander explained. "The first universe I was tossed into, I started off pretty weak, and there were still very few people that were strong enough for me to worry about and the ones that were could give superman a run for his money, so instead of bashing my head against a wall, I worked on finesse."

"Can you teach me?" she asked as Xander handed her the granite plug and flew up to place his hand on the concrete support.

"Sure," he replied. "Ready?"

"Ready," she answered as he took a deep breath and pulled his hand away, a neat rectangle of stone coming with it, which she quickly replaced with the matching granite plug.

Xander grinned and tapped the cement rapidly, breaking off chunks until he had a smooth sphere the size of a basketball. "Now let's find an antique shop."

"Why are you leaving it in the cement?" Kara asked as they flew off.

"Antiques are more valuable with a bit of history to them," Xander explained.

"So cutting it open in front of the store owner, with a picture or two makes it more valuable," Kara realized, as understanding dawned.

"Heroes are celebrities here," Xander said thoughtfully. "I'd forgotten about that."

Before she could question him, she heard a screech of metal tearing and the sound of gun fire followed by metallic laughter. "Crap it's Metallo, this is going to hurt."

"Why?" Xander asked.

"Near indestructible robot with a kryptonite core, the best we can do is distract until Kal arrives," Kara explained.

"Or we could hit up the metal refinery for a load of molten lead to pour over him and make him someone else's problem, via orbital launch," Xander suggested.

Kara paused and considered that. "I don't think that would kill him, but I'm not sure."

"How many people has he killed or maimed?" Xander asked.

"Hundreds," Kara replied.

"From the sounds of it there's a good chance he'll survive and legally and morally he should have been executed long ago. We aren't trying to kill him, but I say protecting the general public is more important than risking them by trying to take him down gently."

"Agreed," Kara said, thinking he made a lot of sense and wondering why she hadn't thought of it that way before.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Metallo has robbed the Metropolis First National Bank," Flash informed Superman from the Monitor Room. "Kara and Xander are handling him, so you've got a couple of minute's lee-way."

"I'm dealing with a landslide in India, it's going to be at least half an hour before I can get away," Superman answered over his comlink. "Is Wonder Woman available?"

"Negative, big guy, she's dealing with Giganta over in Russia... and it looks to be a moot point anyway," Flash said.

"What?! What happened? Is Kara okay?!" Superman demanded worriedly.

"Considering Metallo just went past the Watch Tower, I think she's fine," Flash said with a grin.

"Track Metallo and keep me appraised of the situation, Superman out," Superman said, a bit of pride leaking into his voice.

"What's Metallo's trajectory?" Green Arrow asked curiously.

"Lunar," Flash replied amused.

 **Typed by - Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Sunny Day in DC 2 **

"This is different," Kara said, dressed in a tie-dyed shirt with a pair of ripped Levis and a fringed leather jacket.

"That is the beauty of it," Xander agreed, dressed in a similar fashion. He handed her a pair of John Lennon glasses and a headband. "No one will associate this with your secret identity and makes it seem even less likely that you actually have a secret identity."

"Or at least throw confusion on the idea that you have a regular one," she said. "I can't believe no one has thought of this before."

"Most people go with what works and don't bother looking for another way or even a more effective method of doing something," Xander explained. "Me, I like to try new things."

The pair paid the cashier, who couldn't stop staring at them, still in shock at a pair of superheroes shopping at her store.

"The diner is only a ten minute walk from here," Kara said as they stepped out onto the sidewalk.

"We'll still fly," Xander said, "we aren't hiding what we are, we are just off duty at the moment."

"Oh yeah," she said with a bright smile.

"But fly like this," he told her with a grin, raising up into the air from a standing position and moving forward like he was on an invisible conveyor belt.

Kara joined him, noting they were attracting some attention, but that it quickly died out as nothing interesting happened. "This is kinda fun, but I bet it really slows you down."

"That's the point, we're off duty and not rushing," Xander replied. "We're relaxing."

They landed in front of the diner and he held the door open for her. "After you."

"Thank you, kind sir," she replied with a giggle.

"My pleasure," he replied. "Now, what shall we order?"

"Chili," she said seriously. "They have the best chili here."

The pair ordered their chili and talked.

"I actually had a solid idea of what your powers were before I was turned into a kryptonian, not to mention knowing about a number of possible alternate abilities," Xander explained.

"Alternate abilities?" Kara asked curiously.

"Kal is a good example for the basic power set, however different Kryptonians develop in different ways, just as humans do," he explained.

"But I have all the same powers as Kal, not one single difference," she said with a frown.

"And is that because you can't do anything different or because you never expected to be able to?" he asked.

"That is a very good question," she admitted.

"Have you guys had any bizarros here? If so, one of their trademark differences is fire breath and cryovision, but why is it that everything else is the same? I'll tell you why or better yet, I'll show you." Xander held up his water glass, lifted his glasses, and a beam of blue energy shot out of his right eye freezing the surface of the water over before he shot a red beam from out of his left eye melting it a second later. "All we are doing is accelerating molecular excitation or reducing it. It's a telekinetic skill that actually has nothing to do with the eyes at all." Xander dropped a finger in his water glass and ice formed around it. "Even the colored beams are just there because you expect it. It's a skill that Kal invented as a kid with the simple belief of red hot, blue cold, but what is hotter, a red flame or a blue one?"

"A blue one," Kara said in wonder.

"We are using telekinesis to bend light to make those colors, so if you want to you can use your heat vision without creating a red beam for everyone to see. Theoretically we should also be able to cloak ourselves so we're invisible, but I haven't figured out the trick to that," Xander said.

"Give me all the money in the register!" yelled a woman wearing a Nixon mask as she pointed a shotgun at the cashier.

"Your safety is on," Xander pointed out helpfully, as he waved for Kara to stay seated and stood up.

"No, it's-" the woman clicked the safety on her shotgun. "Now it's not!"

"Still on," Xander told her cheerfully. As she glanced down once more, he formed a green glowing ring on his right hand and connected a green glowing line to the safety on her gun, which he telekinetically locked on.

"Fuck me, a lantern!" she exclaimed, before nervously setting the gun down on the counter.

"Give up?" Xander asked just to make sure.

"I ain't fighting a green lantern!" she exclaimed. "I can't even get my tooth fixed, how am I supposed to fight you?!" She threw her hands up.

"Did you do all this because of a toothache?" he asked.

She sighed and took off her mask, revealing a young Hispanic girl. "Either I get the money and can afford a dentist or I get arrested and they give me one in jail, either way at least the pain's gone."

Xander X-rayed her jaw. "Couple of small cavities you should get taken care of, but it's the impacted wisdom teeth that are causing the most pain."

"Don't suppose a green lantern ring can't fix that," she said.

"I probably could, but I don't have a license to practice dentistry," Xander replied. "I can ease the pain a bit though," he said, extending a line of green energy into her mouth and cooling the tissue, while he subtly moved the teeth involved to lessen the pressure.

"Thanks," she said, sitting at the counter to wait for the police, looking greatly relieved.

Xander slid back into his booth across from Kara.

"You have a green lantern ring?!" she demanded.

He held up his hand and let the illusion of a green ring fade away. "No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it."

"Telekinesis, X-ray vision, and bending light," she guessed.

"One of my two main focuses was pushing my telekinetic skill in as many directions as possible. I have a Swiss army brain," he said proudly, making her laugh.

"Is it wrong I want to learn all that to play pranks and maybe show up Kal a little?" she asked.

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't," Xander replied.

"When can we get started?" Kara asked eagerly.

"As soon as we tip the waitress," he replied. "I'll start on recreating my home and show you the exercises I came up with to develop some of my powers."

"Recreating your home?" she asked curiously. "Did you make a Fortress of Solitude like Kal?"

Xander laid a couple of bills on the table. "Almost the opposite," he replied. "I raised an island in the Bermuda triangle and built an obsidian castle on it, surrounding it with a permanent fog bank and filling it with dinosaurs. I ended up with a large number of permanent guests, a number of them villains, for a variety of reasons."

Kara just stared at him, speechless.

"Excuse me, sir?" a police officer asked. "Could you give me your official statement, please?"

"Sure," Xander agreed, turning to the officer who was ready with pen and pad, while his partner cuffed the robber.

"The young women over there, driven mad by pain from dental issues, decided to hold up the diner with an unloaded shotgun in hopes the police would arrest her and get her some medical treatment," Xander replied. "I eased her pain, but she has impacted wisdom teeth and some cavities that need to be dealt with."

"I'll make a note of that," the officer promised. "Now, the owners said you were a green lantern?"

"That was just me playing around, I'm actually Kryptonian," Xander replied.

"Like Superman and Supergirl?" he asked, eying Xander's tie-dyed shirt doubtfully.

"We're off duty at the moment and eating lunch," Xander replied, floating upwards for a moment to demonstrate his power, "that means trying to blend in a bit."

"Makes sense," the officer agreed. "Superhero name?"

"I was going by Superman, but since that name is already in use here, call me… Superguy!"

"Superguy? Really?" Kara asked him in disbelief.

Xander shrugged. "I try not to take myself too seriously and I am not Superboy, so Superguy will do for now until I come up with something better."

"Works for me," the officer said. "I'll contact the Justice League if we need anything else. Thank you for your time."

"My pleasure," Xander replied.

"You are something else," Kara said, amused as they exited the diner. "Did you really recreate Kong island?"

"With the exception of giant monkeys, yes," Xander replied cheerfully. "I loved that movie when I was a kid, so I figured, why not?"

"A tropical island beats an ice fortress in my books," Kara agreed.

"Lots of sunlight," Xander agreed, "which is somewhat erratic at the poles during certain parts of the year."

"Also true," she agreed. "Ok, let's fly."

"You are in the swimming position again," Xander pointed out, as they leapt into the sky.

"Habit," she admitted, as she took in his flying position which looked like he was sitting in a recliner with his feet up and mimicked it with a grin. "This is fun."

"For your first lesson, picture the shape of a hyper velocity craft and imagine it around you," he told her.

"That's easy-" she began before vanishing with a crack as she went supersonic.

Xander chuckled and waited for her to return, which she did several seconds later.

"What was that?!" she demanded, back in her normal flying position.

"That was you altering your telekinetic aura into something more aerodynamic, so the amount of power you use to fly at this speed was greatly reduced, sending you rocketing forward," he said cheerfully.

"It's that simple?" she asked in disbelief.

"Some of it," he agreed. "Flight is just willing yourself to move and pouring on the power to increase the speed, relying on your physical position to cut down on wind resistance. However if you watch most flyers during re-entry you'll notice the rounded edges of the air catching fire around them not the jagged edges and eddies you should see from people with admittedly interesting curves that are in no way aerodynamic."

"People subconsciously streamline their flight aura, even the Lanterns, who should really know better," she said in understanding.

"Exactly," he agreed. "Rounded helps, but advanced engineering helps more. Just remember that projecting your field outwards like that can create some very sharp edges."

"Yeah," she said absently as she copied Xander's position and carefully recreated her mental image of a shaped field around her, drastically cutting the amount of power she needed to fly at their current speed. "Whoa!"

"Almost effortless," he said, guessing what she was doing. "But like I said, beware sharp edges. I tried using it to speed up my movement rate while on foot and accidently disarmed a guy. Thankfully it was easy to reattach his limbs, but that kind of thing makes you learn caution."

"I imagine it would," she agreed, shaking her head.

"We're here?" Xander said, stopping in midair and looking at the island under them in surprise.

"Paradise Island?" Kara asked, as they landed.

"This is, or rather was, an open stretch of water where I come from," Xander explained. "I built an island here."

"Well here is the home of the Amazons and has been for thousands of years," Kara told him.

"Well... darn," Xander said. "Since it's inhabited, I'll just have to build my home elsewhere."

"I can't see the Amazons too happy with you building a castle here," Kara agreed.

"Halt, trespassers!" someone ordered in ancient Greek.

Xander telekinetically erased his footprints and folded his legs under him so he was sitting Indian style in midair.

A trio of Amazons sprinted down the beach to reach them, on spotting Xander one called out, "No man may set foot..." her voice trailed off as she saw he was floating and a quick scan showed no footprints save the female's by his side.

"Kara Zor-el," Kara introduced herself in the same language, "I'm a friend of Diana's. We were searching for an open stretch of ocean and came here by mistake."

"Can you please set foot on the ground so I may arrest you?" the blonde guard asked hopefully. When everyone turned to look at her, she said, "What? I'm bored and searching him for weapons could be fun."

Kara glared at the blonde, making her shrink back. "Anyway, as this is the wrong place, we'll just take our leave," Kara said, grabbing Xander by the back of his pants and shooting up into the sky.

"Wedgie!" Xander cried as they vanished.

"Search him for weapons," Artemis said rolling her eyes.

"Like you wouldn't enjoy searching Kara?" Aphrodite asked with a smirk.

"Fair enough," Artemis agreed.

Athena sighed. "Did the both of you forget why we came down here?"

"I don't believe you told us," Artemis said pointedly.

"It's true," Aphrodite agreed. "You just told us to finish up what we were doing and come with you."

"Ah," Athena said blushing in embarrassment. "Well, there's a prophecy…"

"There is always a prophecy," Artemis said with a shrug. "My brother makes them all the time, doesn't mean they're all that important. He made one this morning about what he'd have for lunch."

"But this one is important!" Athena whined.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Ow!" Xander groaned.

"Oops!" Kara blushed. "Sorry about that, but we really don't need to get tangled up in their literally medieval legal system, especially when they have magic to back it up."

"A very good point," Xander agreed, while adjusting his pants.

"Plus, even if we are just on a get-to-know-you date rather than a romantic one, other women should not be undressing you during it," Kara said.

"True, that is fifth year married date material," he said.

"Fifth year married?" she asked.

"When a couple decides to try new things, usually involving the babysitter, unless porn has been lying to me all these years." He stroked his chin. "Nah, ridiculous idea of course it's true."

Kara laughed so hard she snorted, and then covered her face in embarrassment.

Xander ignored it. "Ok, new plan. I'll make a volcanic island in the arctic sea using geothermal energy to make it feel tropical and create the ever-present fog bank to keep out trespassers."

"You are going to carve a giant skull into the side of the volcano, aren't you," she guessed gleefully.

"With the eyes lit up from the magma chamber within," he agreed rubbing his hands together. "Last time I picked up most of my dinosaurs from a hidden land near one of the poles. Do you have one like that here or do I have to clone them from fossilized DNA?"

"Yes we do, and how do you clone fossilized DNA?" she asked.

"It requires equal parts brilliance and bullshit," he replied, as they resumed their flight. "And since you still have dinosaurs, it's not important."

"So, what do you do for fun when you aren't creating incredibly clichéd islands?" she asked.

"I discover new uses for my powers, do a lot of repair work and construction in areas that need it but can't afford it, and study various things that catch my eye," he replied. "You?"

"Between school and the league, I don't have much free time," she admitted. "Hard to have hobbies when simply living your life takes up most of your time."

"Well, if you aren't enjoying your life, you are clearly doing it wrong," he told her. "Me personally, I enjoy improving the economy, thus lowering crime and making people's lives better. The trick is not to do too much that they become dependent on you. I also make sure to take time off so I don't risk burnout, like a lot of people do."

"How do you fit superheroing in there?" she asked.

"No secret identity means I have a lot more time," Xander replied. "Plus my heroing is a lot more... limited I guess you could call it. See, I don't go after victimless crime, I only assist the police when it's something beyond their capabilities, and finally I try and eliminate the reason someone becomes a villain rather than putting them in jail over and over."

"And that works?" she asked in disbelief.

"Using a pint of Wade Wilson's blood allowed me to heal the Sandman's step daughter. He stopped all criminal behavior and got a job with the government," Xander said proudly. "I care more about what's moral than legal, and I accept that sometimes you have to do immoral things to prevent worse things from happening. I'm not saying the end justifies the means all the time, but I'd rather compromise my morals than let a bunch of people die."

"And how do you know when you're doing the right thing if you are breaking laws and doing things you consider immoral?" she asked, confused.

"Often you don't," he admitted. "A lot of the time, in those situation, you won't know until everything is over and maybe not even then." He sighed. "It's why I work to fix things and people rather than break them, it's a lot less morally ambiguous."

"I am so glad the stuff I deal with has been pretty straight forward," Kara said. "I think only the senior members of the league have had to make those calls."

"Most of the time I had nothing like the league to fall back on and the people in power were too often too corrupt to rely on," Xander explained. "I had to reduce the number of 'metas' on earth by close to twelve percent and forcibly deport a number of illegal aliens to reduce worldwide tensions and prevent a war."

"That was one of your morally questionable decisions?" she asked gently, figuring he needed someone to lean on.

"Nah, that one was straight forward and easy," Xander said cheerfully. "The metas were happy, the general public was happy, the aliens... ok they were pissed, but they were invaders anyway."

"What was one of your questionable ones, then?" she asked.

"I had to go back in time, spike the punch at a cast party, to get nude photos of the stars," Xander replied, as he scanned the ocean floor.

"That... is not something I expected you to say," she admitted. "Did you get the pictures?"

"Those pictures did the job I needed them for and then some," Xander said. "All it cost me was half a gallon of Everclear and a slap in the face from an old woman a decade later."

"And was it worth it?" she asked curiously.

"A young girl got out of the hospital and a concerned father cried tears of joy," Xander replied.

"Sounds worth it to me," Kara said with an encouraging grin.

"Says someone who has never been bitch slapped by Betty White," Xander said with a shudder.

"Aren't you invulnerable?" she asked.

"No one is that invulnerable," Xander said seriously. "This looks like a good place," he said, changing the subject. "Mind holding my clothes while I do this?"

"Sure," Kara began before watching stunned as a naked Xander dove into the arctic waters.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A Sunny Day in DC 3**

Xander had tried to follow the same pattern as before, however he'd apparently hit a weak point in the crust and raised an island much larger than he'd intended or possibly it was due to the fact that he'd raised four smaller volcanos around the island to make tapping them for energy more convenient.

Kara stared in disbelief as Xander raised an island the size of Hawaii. She was so shocked she didn't even help as he raced around freezing the various tidal waves he'd set off. Whatever he had planned she was sure this wasn't it, as he blurred around at high speed shaping lava and... carving angular letters inside the mouth of each volcano?

Xander dropped the wardstones he'd attached to each volcano, a dozen miles out from the edges of the island. It was a simple warding scheme, well simple according to Stephen Strange, that warmed the waters and forced the volcanos into dormancy as a side effect. That done, he attacked the mammoth volcano in the center of his island. The mouth of it was nearly 3 miles across and it was still spitting magma. Taking a deep breath, he dove straight down into the magma and sent a wave of cold out to plug the main vent from the top of the volcano. Racing to the surface before it could cool around him he took advantage of the abundant magma and his own cryokinesis to recreate the castle of Badassitude and level off the ground around it, creating a plateau of obsidian topped by the castle that Stephen had designed as a teen and then improved as an adult.

Covered in cooling rock and coated in ash, he rejoined Kara. "I don't feel any stronger than I was before I came here, but that was much too easy. I was shooting at a hundred square miles maximum."

"You overshot the mark on that," she said, amused.

Superman appeared in a flash of light. "Kara, what are you doing here? And why are you naked?" he demanded on seeing Xander.

"I was building an island and I didn't feel like getting my clothes covered in ash and magma," Xander replied. "Kara was kind enough to hold them for me."

"Setting aside the subject of the island for the moment, you should not be exposing yourself to my baby cousin," Superman said firmly.

"Exposing myself..." Xander just stared at Kal for a moment before turning to Kara. "Is he suffering from a mental problem I am unaware of?"

"Not that I know of," Kara replied, a bit annoyed with Kal and curious about what Xander would do next. "Why?"

"He is aware that we are all Kryptonians, right? And that we don't wear lead clothing?" Xander asked.

"Is this another 'red hot, blue cold' misconception?" Kara asked intently.

"It's very rude to talk about me as if I wasn't here," Kal pointed out.

"True, but in this case, we are speaking... around you for a reason," Xander said. "I believe we can drop it and speak directly, as I think I know what has occurred and which misconception you are operating under."

"Would you mind getting dressed first?" Superman asked.

"Not a problem, though what I have to say is going to... let me just get dressed and then I'll explain," Xander said, dropping into the ocean to clean off before returning for his clothes.

Superman covered Kara's eyes while he dressed, much to her amusement.

"Why are you dressed like that anyway?" Kal asked curiously, looking at their hippie style outfits.

"Going out as yourself while not in costume, but rather casual civilian clothes, helps make people wonder if you even have a secret identity and helps your mental stability too as only being yourself while in a costume can screw with you mentally," Xander explained.

"There may be something to that," Kal admitted as he thought about his friend Bruce.

"But back on topic. Do you believe that our ability to see through objects actually involves X-rays?" Xander asked.

"I've thoroughly tested it," Kal said. "I bounce X-rays, projected from my eyes, off an object revealing its internal structure."

"Yes and no," Xander said. "Don't get me wrong, I intentionally call it X-ray vision and mentally use that as a crutch to prevent needless distractions, but our eyes don't work like that."

"I'm listening," Kal said, as he realized Xander was waiting for a response.

"Our eyes can see particles that pass through solid matter, a lot of particles, not just X-rays," Xander explained. "We naturally see these particles and there is no on or off switch. Much like with our hearing, we learn to block off ninety percent of it, but it's still capturing it all in full color detail in our photographic memories. Just because we push the information down below conscious recall doesn't mean it's not there. I'm willing to bet a lot of 'hunches' you get are actually just subconscious information bubbling up."

"And the fact that I actually expel X-rays from my eyes while using it?" Kal asked doubtfully.

"A variation of molecular excitation which you call heat vision," Xander replied.

"I... will have to test that theory later," Kal said with a frown as he decided that enlisting J'onn would probably be necessary. "Now, back to the island. Why did you build it?"

"Because I need a home and I've had experience building an island," Xander replied. "Plus I need a lot of space for my conservation efforts. You have a plant elemental called Poison Ivy in Gotham, right?"

"Yes, however she's a criminal," Kal warned.

"There's not exactly a lot of crimes she can commit out here," Xander pointed out. "From what I've read of her, her problems are mainly caused by feedback from plants being poisoned and destroyed by mankind. Just giving her a timeout far away from that feedback should help with her mental stability."

"Have you considered the effects on shipping?" Kal asked. "Several shipping lines go right through where your island now sits."

"Already taken care of," Xander assured him. "See the ring of fog around the island? If you enter it on one side, you exit it on the other. It will actually save them a little time and fuel."

"How does that work?" Kara asked curiously.

"Magic," Xander replied. Seeing their shocked expressions, he laughed. "We have two main weaknesses, Kryptonian things and magic, why wouldn't I study it to fix that? Avoiding it doesn't make it cease to exist, it just makes us ignorant of the danger."

"That makes sense," Kara said thoughtfully. "Chalk that up to yet another thing you'll have to teach me."

"I'll submit a report to the League so they can register ownership of the island to you," Kal said. "I do have to wonder about your taste in housing though," he remarked as he looked at the obsidian castle.

"Think Kong Island," Kara suggested, "and early morning monster movies."

Kal took another look at the castle and had to suppress a laugh. "Ahem, I see," he said. "It was nice meeting you Xander, but I have to go. Kara, I'll see you at dinner, bye." He vanished, flying at speeds the pair had yet to even touch.

Kara rolled her eyes. "That was his subtle way of saying he expects me back at home by dinner and will be checking up on me."

"You could invite me to dinner," Xander suggested.

"I could, but that involves revealing secret identities and other people's secrets," she replied with a sigh, pouting slightly.

"In that case, we'll have to end our date here and we can meet up some other time when you're free," Xander told her, noting that she was trying and failing to keep her eyes on his face and covering it with a blink, that did nothing at all to hide her blush. He extended his hand and she shook it.

"I'll take you up on that," she promised. She almost leaned in to kiss his cheek, but chickened out at the last moment and instead gave him a smile and vanished in a blur of speed.

Xander turned back to his island, a big grin on his face. "Ok, let's get to work."

Collecting the ice, created by freezing the waves he'd set off raising the island, he dropped them on the smoldering rock, creating massive clouds of steam that blanketed the area and mixed with the volcanic ash in the air causing it to start raining. The grey rain cooled the surface of the rock to something below the ignition point of wood.

"Do I need topsoil or sand first?" Xander asked himself. "Sand is easier and I don't want to cook the topsoil. Sand it is."

He shot straight up into the edge of space. Scanning the seas from the upper edge of the atmosphere so he could refill his depleted energy levels, he noticed how much stronger he felt and how much quicker he recharged. "Probably a universal quirk," he decided.

Spotting a large number of abandoned ships run aground in the middle east, he flew down and hollowed out a super tanker, scouring the insides with sand to remove all remaining traces of fuel. Picking up the giant steel container, he flew inland and set it down miles from nowhere. Sitting on the edge, he constructed a ramp of sand and using telekinesis to create sand sculptures of his friends and other familiar faces that climbed the ramp and dove into the container, bursting apart as they hit the bottom.

"I do not know you," a voice said, from right behind Xander, who squeaked and lost control, the figures he'd animated slumping into piles and the container falling over, dumping him into the sand as well. Xander stood up and brushed himself off, before turning and seeing who had snuck up on him.

"Your pardon, I did not mean to startle you, I was simply inquiring as to what you were doing on my island," Black Adam said, floating down to land next to Xander.

"Collecting sand... is it Majesty or Highness?" Xander asked. "I don't often deal with rulers without their helpers giving me cue cards on how to act."

Black Adam smiled slightly. "Either will do. Now, who are you and what are you doing?"

"Well your majesty, I am Xander Harris and I am collecting sand, not buried treasures or hidden tombs, not that I checked. I am collecting sand so I can make a beach, though if you'd prefer I didn't, I can go elsewhere."

"I have no objections," Black Adam decided. "How much sand will you be needing?"

"Somewhere between a dozen and twenty loads," Xander replied. "I haven't measured it as I can always adjust the amount on the fly."

"That would create a rather large hole in the landscape," Black Adam noted. "If there were a way to shore up the sides sufficiently, it would make an excellent reservoir."

"I can handle that as well, your majesty," Xander offered. "I can turn the sand to glass and create a wall about three feet wide and a hundred feet deep as I walk the ground."

"Please do so," Black Adam said.

Xander nodded and started walking, reaching through the soles of his moccasins to affect the sand beneath. It took a fair bit of concentration at first, but once he'd realized he could transfer the heat from section to section rather than heating and cooling each in turn, it sped up quickly until he was jogging at a fair pace.

Black Adam brushed some sand away from the ground where Xander had walked after he'd returned, revealing the glass beneath. "Impressive work."

"Thank you, your majesty," Xander replied. "I was thinking of using obsidian blocks to build a waist high wall on top of it. That would not only prevent sand from pouring in but would also contrast nicely, making it look more visually striking."

"But where would we get that great an amount of obsidian?" Black Adam asked.

Xander waved a hand and sand flowed into the hollowed out super tanker like water as it righted itself. "From a volcanic island, your Majesty, the very same one I am building the beach on."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What is he doing?" Flash said aloud as he watched the pair on the monitor.

"Collecting sand," Batman replied, making Flash jump.

"Where did you come from?!" Flash demanded.

"It looks to be a simple trade," Batman replied, ignoring his question, "assuming he is actually accepting something for the sand itself."

"Isn't Black Adam supposed to stay home?" Flash asked.

"He isn't supposed to operate outside the borders of Kahndaq," Batman agreed, "however, this looks to be a simple trade agreement for something within his borders and is unlikely to be contested."

"Why would someone trade lava bricks for sand?" Flash asked as the monitors caught up with the pair on Xander's island. "I'm pretty sure he could make sand with crushed lava."

"Aesthetics," Batman replied easily, "a white sand beach would look much more striking with all the obsidian around."

"And what does Black Adam get out of it?" Flash asked. "I doubt he wants to build a spooky castle too."

"I'm unsure," Batman admitted. "But we'll probably see it shortly at the speed the pair are working at."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Your skills impress me," Black Adam complimented Xander as he fused a load of obsidian blocks to the glass wall beneath them, completing almost half of the boundary.

"It's more power than skill," Xander replied, as he refilled the empty tanker with sand. "If I had enough skill I could transmutate matter and wouldn't need to move things around, using brute force."

"If you don't mind me asking, what is the source of your power? Are you meta or an alien? Blessed by the gods or related to one?" he asked curiously.

"Human turned into a Kryptonian by a capricious god as a prank," Xander replied as they took to the air with another load of sand.

"Really?" Black Adam said in surprise. "Yet I've seen no feats of great strength or use of heat vision, which would certainly be called for in your present task."

"They have a lot more power than me and as a result simply rely on brute force even more than I do," Xander replied, as he sat on the prow of the tanker as he was telekinetically moving.

"Your use of powers is so wildly divergent, I never would have guessed you were one," Black Adam said. "So Superman and Supergirl could accomplish the same feats as you, they just don't bother?"

"More they don't know they can, your Majesty," Xander replied. "I experimented heavily with my powers and worked hard to gain the skills I have, rather than simply mimicking Superman. I would often exhaust my supply of solar energy and study magic while I recovered."

"You're a wizard?" Black Adam questioned carefully.

"Hardly a wizard, but since one of my major weaknesses is magic, I learned all I could about it." Xander dumped the sand onto the ground below him before they turned to the side vent of the central volcano to collect more obsidian. "My natural inclination is to build and protect, so the bulk of my knowledge is defensive."

"A wise decision," Black Adam said, with a pleased nod.

"I also seem to have a talent for runes, though my skill in it is amateurish," Xander grabbed a handful of lava and made a ball of it, before carving a simple angular letter in it and cooling it down. "This is a rune from a set similar to common Nordic ones known today. If you carve it into a rock and empower it, it'll enhance your ability to see for roughly... twelve hours."

"How does one empower a rune?" Black Adam asked, choosing a handful of lava that was already half way cooled and relying on speed to duplicate Xander's actions.

"You should be able to just will energy into it," Xander explained, impressed with the skill Black Adam had demonstrated.

Closing his hands about the rock and closing his eyes for a moment, Black Adam concentrated and both his eyes and the rock glowed gold a second later. Opening his eyes, he looked around. "It's almost too much," he noted, a small smile on his face as his already enhanced vision was increased by an order of magnitude.

"Breaking the rune will break the spell," Xander advised him. "Of course, this is just the most basic use of it. The best use I've found is coupling it with another rune so it reveals things like magic, malicious supernatural entities, or electrical activity." Xander sketched a copy of each rune in the air with light as he named them.

"Does it take much more power to empower?" Black Adam asked, breaking the rock in two and blinking as his vision returned to normal.

"Four times as much with each additional rune," Xander replied. "With skill and knowledge you can make it cost less, but I lack both at the moment. I use them because they are simple and useful, you simply have to have the magic to empower them and be touched by the gods, otherwise you won't be able to recall them once they are no longer in your line of sight."

"Does it have to be obsidian?" Black Adam asked curiously, seeing many uses for it.

"No, it's simply the best material for holding a charge," Xander replied. "Precious metals are also pretty popular, but avoid fragile materials like sandstone and Jello."

"Jello?" Black Adam asked.

"I figured it'd be easy to break if something went wrong while practicing new runic setups," Xander replied. "Instead it ended with a thin layer of Jello everywhere!"

Black Adam chuckled, unable to stop himself from picturing Xander covered in soot and Jello from an exploded experiment.

"Fortunately the magic user I was learning from found it amusing as well," Xander said, shaking his head. "Wish I'd had more time to learn from him, but the majority of his time was spent fighting evil wizards from other dimensions that were trying to invade."

"Would that our 'wizard' were similar," Black Adam said.

"Isn't your wizard the Merlin knockoff who is pants on head retarded?" Xander asked, as he recalled some of the wizard Shazam's backstory.

"Pants on head retarded?" Black Adam asked slowly.

"Ego so big he makes people call his name to receive the gifts that the gods have chosen to bestow, thinking he knows better than the gods, who should be empowered, and often falls for the most obvious traps ever? That wizard?" Xander asked.

"I believe so, yes," Black Adam said with a grin. "I don't believe I've heard the description 'pants on head retarded' before, but that is an apt description."

"It's not exactly politically correct," Xander admitted, "but never ascribe to maliciousness what can be explained by stupidity and considering some of his decisions?"

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"It's a reservoir," Mr. Terrific said, as he joined Batman and Flash in the monitor room.

"Aww I was hoping to guess it before Bats did," Flash complained.

"Anything of interest to report?" Mr. Terrific asked as he started his shift.

"Not particularly," Batman replied. "We've been monitoring the movements of Black Adam and the new Kryptonian, as they've interacted. How did you come to the conclusion that it was a reservoir?"

Mr. Terrific tapped his temple. "I'm monitoring all maritime communications and the coast guard just reported that they've just removed a large iceberg that was in the shipping lanes."

"I knew they were taking too long to arrive," Flash said as the pair appeared on screen, setting a mammoth iceberg in the glass and obsidian lined artificial lake.

"Profile?" Batman requested.

"Not nearly enough data to get an accurate read on him," Mr. Terrific replied.

"Why didn't you ask my opinion?" Flash complained.

"What's your opinion of him?" Mr. Terrific asked.

"Not enough info, ask me again in an hour," Flash said before vanishing in a burst of speed.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

 ***SPLASH***

Xander turned around, but saw nothing but ripples in the water. Shrugging, he went back to spreading the sand evenly along the shore.

The Flash ran through the fog again and again, only to find himself facing the island each time. After a few thousand more attempts to escape, he eventually gave up and appeared in front of Xander. "Ok, I give, how do I get out of here?"

"How did you get in?" Xander asked curiously.

"I used the Watchtower's teleporters to drop down next to you, but then I landed in the water and it's hard to get respect when you are half soaked," Flash explained. "So I decided to go clean up and meet you later, but every road leads to Eldorado here!"

"I think that's supposed to be Rome," Xander said.

"I prefer the Road to Eldorado, it was a good movie," Flash said.

"It was good, but it was Emperor's New Groove good, not Beauty and the Beast good," Xander replied.

"True," Flash agreed, joining Xander as he walked along the beach. "How are you doing that?"

"This?" Xander asked, waving a hand and smoothing out another pile of sand.

"Yeah, that," Flash agreed. "I'm not seeing any superspeed or huge burst of wind."

"Telekinesis," Xander replied. "It's easier than blowing sand everywhere and a lot more precise."

"Cool. And why can't I leave?" Flash asked.

"Folded space," Xander replied. "This island is in folded space so that it doesn't block traffic, get unannounced visitors, or allow prisoners to escape."

"Prisoners?! When did you get prisoners?" Flash demanded.

"I haven't got any yet," Xander replied, "but with the number of super villains running around the planet, I'm willing to bet I'll end up with a few again."

"How'd you end up with them last time?" Flash asked.

"I was the only person who could contain them," Xander replied, "plus some of them actually preferred staying on my island to being criminals. Dr. Conners didn't have to worry about turning into the Lizard and eating people. The Vulture just loved the fact that he could fly with pterodactyls or lounge on the beach."

"Pterodactyls?" Flash asked.

"It's a volcanic island surrounded by a permanent wall of fog," Xander pointed out.

"Yeah, dinosaurs are almost a requirement," Flash agreed.

"Exactly," Xander said. "Really, the only exits from the island were by permission or to colonize Mars."

"Back up. Colonize Mars?" Flash asked.

"I was terraforming Mars, because I could and it provided a safe haven for those that were persecuted for being metas and a good home for people who just didn't fit in with modern society for one reason or another," Xander explained.

"Were dinosaurs involved?" Flash asked.

"Not yet, but I planned for them to have their own dome as well," Xander admitted.

"Domes are the way to go for immediate occupancy," Flash said thoughtfully. "It might be safer to build underground colonies to start though."

"I had some powerful New God type technology that required them to be on the surface for the environmental controls to work," Xander explained.

"Are you going to terraform Mars?" Flash asked.

"Probably. I want to clear it with J'onn first of course," Xander replied.

"Are those diamonds?!" the Flash asked as they reached the end of the beach.

"You get a lot of them when you set off volcanos," Xander said. "Carbon is pretty common so they're only really worth something when you have a corrupt group of businessmen limiting supply."

"Well if you don't want them, can I have some?" he asked hopefully, as he stared at the glittering stones scattered about the rock and ash.

"Help yourself to a handful," Xander said, only to find himself talking to air.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"So I hear you met a young man today," Jonathan 'Pa' Kent said as he passed the mashed potatoes to Clark.

"Yes, I did," Kara agreed. "He was polite, didn't try to take any liberties, and was perfectly respectful."

"Not including stripping in front of you," Clark added.

"To dive into lava!" Kara quickly said, before anyone could get the wrong idea. "And did you look into what he said about our eyes?"

"What did he say about your eyes?" Martha 'Ma' Kent quickly asked before Pa could start in.

"He said that we don't need to use 'X-ray vision' to see through solid objects and that we were doing it all the time, but repressing the knowledge of it," Kara said.

"Sounds like a line to me," Pa said.

"Well Clark?" Kara asked. "Is it a line?"

"No... it's not," Clark admitted. "With J'onn's help, I tested it and he was correct, unfortunately."

"Why unfortunately?" Martha asked.

"Because that means I have full color stereographic naked images of everyone I've ever seen in my skull," Clark replied. "Even if I can repress what I'm consciously seeing, they are still there."

"I can see how that would be off putting," Pa admitted.

"Sometimes I feel like I live in a world full of nudists," Kara said solemnly. "Always taking care not to see something, see someone!"

Clark groaned. "Am I never going to live that speech down? I was trying to psyche out Darkseid."

Ma giggled and Pa had a hard time keeping a straight face.

"It was a good speech," Kara admitted, "but I'm still going to tease you about it. Especially when you are trying to interfere in my personal life for no reason!"

"He's just trying to protect you," Pa said. "I know you can normally protect yourself, but this boy you met is Kryptonian as well."

"One, I am stronger than him," Kara said firmly, "and two... I don't think it's too much to ask that I get first shot at any boy whose fingers won't break, just because I got a little excited!"

Clark and Pa Kent winced at the memory of Kara's first, and only, serious boyfriend and how that had turned out. Ma simply patted her hand and gave her a sympathetic look.

"We just worry is all," Pa said. "He could be some smooth talker simply looking to get into your pants, using lines like 'it's for the sake of our species' or 'since there are so few of us it's best we find out if we're compatible before getting emotionally involved."

Kara tilted her head, looking thoughtful rather than angry.

"He could claim he needs a lot of physical contact, because you're the only person he's met who he can touch and not worry about harming," Clark added.

Kara nodded. "Thanks, I appreciate you telling me that. Now if you all don't mind, I think I'll turn in early, tomorrow promises to be a busy day," she said, giving Clark and Pa a big smile.

"You go right ahead, dear," Pa said instantly. "I know it's been an emotional day for you."

"I'll take care of the dishes," Clark added.

"Thanks," Kara said brightly, before hurrying upstairs.

"I think we got through to her," Pa said, relieved.

"I'm just glad she still listens," Clark said with a relieved sigh.

"Oh, she listened alright," Ma said, amused. "I'd listen too, if the men in my family gave me surefire lines to use on a boy."

Clark and Pa Kent exchanged defeated looks, making Ma burst out laughing.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

**A Sunny Day in DC 4**

Waking up, Xander stretched and put his feet on the floor. "Ahh, heated floors, the best reason to build a stone castle on top of a live volcano." His bedroom was completely devoid of furniture so he'd simply slept in the air at the approximate height of where is bed would be once he'd bought one.

'I need to carve the sides of the volcano to catch rainwater for freshwater lakes and waterfalls, then I need to stock those pools with fish and plants,' Xander reminded himself. 'In fact, I need plants first, so let's go get the May Queen.'

Taking to the skies over the island, Xander was pleased to see the air clear of ash and most of the ground had stopped steaming, having cooled enough that the rain collected in puddles on the bare stone. Satisfied, he flew straight up, keeping an eye out for satellites, as he reached the edge of the atmosphere and soaked up the unfiltered solar rays. It only took a couple of minutes before Xander felt 'full' and he descended once more.

Wearing hippie clothes and sitting indian style he zipped through the early morning sky to hover over Gotham and scanned the city. He found what he was looking for almost immediately and after stopping three murders, eighteen felonies, and two suicides, he landed outside a greenhouse. He silently jogged a ten foot circle around it before stepping inside the circle and taking to the skies with it, leaving a perfectly circular hole in the ground, the sides fused like glass.

Adjusting the inertia of the load he was carrying to prevent it from jarring as he tore the sound barrier was a bit tiring, but not as tiring as it had been the first dozen times he'd done it. No, the hard part came as he was landing.

Choosing the east side of the island, where it looked like an extensive set of hot springs were forming, he slowly lowered the greenhouse, extending his aura under it to carve out a section of rock that he ground up into black sand that slithered out of the way, allowing the greenhouse to settle into place, without even a bump. Using the black sand as an abrasive, he smoothed out any sharp edges hidden under the steaming water nearby, creating rounded edges and complete ledges to sit on. Satisfied that the hot springs would be usable, he left a layer of sand to help filter the water.

A mile away from the greenhouse and the springs, he broke off what he estimated was a lake sized section of rock and cut it into a large pile of bricks, setting them to the side, before taking to the upper atmosphere to recharge a bit. He cracked his neck and enjoyed the renewed energy as he considered his next chore. Having cleared out any dangerous icebergs already, Xander looked for a smaller one that he could handle himself. He located one, just the right size and dropped down, the flames of reentry surrounding him for a moment before he found himself encased in a green bubble.

"Relax, I got you," Guy Gardner said.

Xander turned to look at him. "Okay, I'll bite, why do you got me?"

"Erm," Guy Gardner looked slightly embarrassed as he realized what he'd done. "I see a guy in civilian clothes on fire and well..."

Xander pointed at Guy and said a word that was dry sand and dusty air, making Guy gasp and scratch his scalp furiously as he grew a foot of hair.

"What the hell?!" he demanded, dropping the bubble around Xander.

"I see a bowl cut, I ruin a bowl cut," Xander replied with a grin. "Unless you want to repel girls, bowl cuts are out."

"I do fine!" Guy snapped back.

"Name one guy with a bowl cut that girls go wild for!" Xander demanded. "You can't! Because girls like buff guys with either a full head of hair or bald in some cases."

"Like some damn hippie knows more about women than I do," Guy grumbled, trying to push his hair out of his face as they hovered in the upper atmosphere.

"I'm not a hippie," Xander replied, using his telekinesis to braid Guy's hair. "I'm dressed like this because it made a girl I like smile and because it's completely different than my normal outfit."

Xander's actions hadn't gone unnoticed. "A braid?! Are you telling me a braid is manly?!" Guy demanded, following Xander down, as he pulled at his new hair style.

"The Norse God of Thunder, Thor, wears his hair like that," Xander said.

"Seriously?" Guy deadpanned.

"Viking hair styles were wild, they didn't have time to get haircuts, they were busy men."

"Maybe," Guy allowed. "Doesn't mean I want long hair."

Xander landed on the iceberg he'd chosen and raised it into the air. "So get it cut. What, they don't have a barber on the watchtower?"

"Yeah, but that means I have to let people see me like this," Guy complained.

"Hold the iceberg for me," Xander ordered, before diving into the water below.

"What the hell!" Guy yelled as he fell dozens of feet before using his ring to hold the iceberg he was standing on up.

Xander burst from the water carrying a ten foot shark and a watermelon sized ball of assorted stuff from the ocean floor, yet was mysteriously dry as he landed on the iceberg next to Guy. "Keep heading North," he ordered as he spread everything out. He felt a little guilty for messing with Guy so he figured he'd make him an apology gift.

"What are you doing? Where are we going? Why am I even listening to you?!" Guy complained.

"I am making you a hammer," Xander replied, as he heated up and separated the various types of metals from a small handful of coins.

"And the shark?" Guy asked.

"He swallowed a fair amount of junk and I need some leather, so I figured sharkskin would do," Xander replied as he gutted the shark.

"Is that a bowling pin?" Guy demanded as he looked at the debris Xander removed from the sharks stomach.

"I'm surprised there isn't a juggler to go with it," Xander replied, a small ships' anchor melting in his hands into a rough blob of molten metal that he manipulated, removing impurities.

"And the other two questions I asked?" Guy reminded Xander.

"We are heading towards my island and why not?" Xander replied as he made a replica of Thor's hammer.

Lacking any mystical metals, Xander made do with tens of thousands of microscopic strength and toughness runes in silver and gold layered in between each layer of steel. The bowling pin was shaved down and bonded with the steel, a series of runes of recognition and flight carved into the handle, before he skinned the shark and used the blood to tattoo Atlantean runes of air and water on strips of its hide before binding it to the wood and fitting it in place.

"Charge it," Xander ordered.

"Do what now?" Guy asked with a frown.

"Pour some green lantern energy into it," Xander replied. "Not sure if a single ring charge is enough, in fact I seriously doubt it is, but pouring a couple of percentage points in should be enough to show off some of what it can do."

"Fine, but you fly the iceberg," Guy said, before laying his hand on the shaft of the hammer and pouring the green light of will into it. "It's stuck!" Guy complained, as both his ring and the hammer began to glow and he couldn't let go. "How much is this going to take?"

"A hundred ring charges?" Xander guessed and shrugged. "Might be closer to ten thousand, with magic the math never works out right."

Guy stopped charging it, freeing his hand. "Then what the hell am I messing with it for?" He hefted it thoughtfully despite his complaints, running his fingers across its surface.

"It's a brute force weapon for when you want to make some noise and cause some damage," Xander replied. "Plus it fits with the hair."

Guy rolled his eyes and picked up the hammer. "It's got a nice feel to it," he admitted, before drawing it back and striking the iceberg with it.

Xander cursed as the iceberg shattered under him, raining chunks of ice down on the sea below. "Why the hell did you do that for?!" Xander demanded.

"Well I didn't know it would do that!" Guy yelled, the hammer gripped in his right hand.

"Well, it does," Xander replied. "Or at least it does when it's at low power. Like I said, you'll have to charge it a lot to bring it to full power. Now if you'll excuse me, I need another iceberg," Xander said as he vanished in a blur of speed.

"Weird guy," Guy muttered, before examining the hammer and smiling a little. "Nice hammer though," he said, before heading back to the watchtower to hunt down a barber, hopefully before anyone saw him like this.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Xander found another small iceberg and landed on it. "Okay, fill the lake, take two," he said, lifting it from the water and speeding towards his island before he could be interrupted again.

The fog parted him as he flew through it, the island appearing as a hell scape covered in black rock and ash. A quick scan showed Ivy and Harley still asleep as he set the iceberg in the empty lake he'd created. Leaving it to melt he grabbed his hollowed out supertanker and went looking for sources of dirt he could use without upsetting anyone.

Scanning for a large scale earth moving projects, he noted that there was work being done on the Panama Canal and decided to help out a bit. Pausing for thought he decided to change into his super suit first so there would be less misunderstandings.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Kara flew towards Xander's Island, missing it in the surrounding fog somehow, before recalling what he'd said and coming in from directly overhead. The castle seemed to be whatever-vision-she-used proof so she listened for him instead, locating a pair of heartbeats. Finding Ivy and Harley curled up together, fast asleep, in Ivy's greenhouse, Kara looked around and noticed they were next to a slowly melting iceberg and what looked to be hot springs. Apparently, he'd been busy.

The hot springs looked inviting and having nothing better to do, she decided to give them a try. Setting her uniform off to the side, she slid into the water and sighed happily. She was nice and relaxed by the time Harley and Ivy woke up and discovered where they were.

"Hey, Supesy!" Harley called out, spotting Kara. "You the reason we're here?"

"No, but I can guess," Kara replied, completely unconcerned about her state of dress around the two villainess'.

Well, would you mind sharing it with us?" Ivy asked, after it became apparent that Supergirl wasn't going to say anything more.

"Well, Xander did mention he was going to have you assist in his conservation efforts," Supergirl replied. "I assumed he was going to ask, but I'm guessing he didn't. Superman tried to dissuade him by mentioning you were a criminal, but all he said was you could probably use a break from Gotham and humanity in general anyway."

"That…" Ivy trailed off as Harley stripped and joined Supergirl in the water. "It is quieter here, cleaner," she said thoughtfully.

"The water's great, Red! Come on in!" Harley said cheerfully.

"I think I will," Ivy said, her outfit falling off in a shower of leaves, as she slid into the water. "It even has a nice mineral content," Ivy noted, relaxing.

 ***THUD***

A loud thud was heard and the three turned and saw Xander holding and empty metal container of massive proportions above a hill of mud before he vanished.

"You have another cousin?" Harley asked.

"Nope!" Supergirl replied, grinning.

"Boyfriend?" Harley asked with a smirk.

"Maybe," Supergirl said. "We just met, but I like what I've seen of him so far."

 ***THUD***

"Is he wearing the S like you and your cousin?" Ivy asked. "I thought that was a family symbol."

"It is," Kara agreed.

"Oh, you naughty girl!" Harley squealed and splashed Kara.

 ***THUD***

Supergirl laughed and splashed her back.

"Even if he is your brother, at least you don't have to worry about accidentally hurting him," Ivy told her supportively.

"ACK! No, he isn't my brother!" Supergirl sputtered out.

 ***THUD***

The three turned to look at Xander, who waved before vanishing once more.

"Alternate reality, adopted family member," Supergirl explained.

"You seem pretty blasé about him kidnapping us," Ivy noted.

"You are currently wanted in Gotham," Supergirl replied. "Here you are outside US jurisdiction, so if it's a choice of prisons, I think you'd prefer this one. Besides, I'm pretty sure that if you genuinely don't like it here, he could be talked into returning you to the US."

 ***THUD***

"He's getting dirt from a large variety of places," Ivy said.

"How do you know?" Harley asked.

"The variety of plants and seeds mixed in," Ivy replied.

"Where are we anyway?" Harley asked looking around at the bare black rock and large volcanos visible in the distance.

"Arctic Sea," Supergirl replied. "He wanted some place remote to raise a volcanic island."

"That's impressive," Ivy said. "Do you know if he plans on paying me for any work I do for him?"

 ***THUD***

"No idea." Supergirl replied. "He says making money is easy, so probably."

"If Batgirl was here, it'd be perfect," Harley said. "She'd probably insist on a suit and mask though."

"It would be nice to see her outside of work again," Ivy agreed.

"I'll see if she's free for lunch," Supergirl said. "After checking with Xander, it's his home after all."

 ***THUD***

"I thought those were extinct!" Ivy exclaimed suddenly.

"What was extinct?" Supergirl asked.

"A type of floating flower from the Nile," Ivy replied. "But, I can sense dormant seeds in the river mud he just dumped."

"I didn't know you were powerful enough to sense dormant seeds," Supergirl said.

"My senses aren't being muffled by pollution and the Earth being murdered around me," Ivy said thoughtfully.

 ***THUD***

"Mississippi river mud," Ivy said, looking more relaxed and carefree that the other two had ever seen here before.

"This place is good for you," Harley said happily.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Weren't you supposed to be monitoring Ivy's greenhouse?" Flash asked as he entered the Monitor Room and saw that Green Arrow had a view of Xander's Island pulled up, covering the entire island rather than being focused on Ivy's place.

"I prefer my legs unbroken, thanks," Green Arrow replied.

"What?" Flash asked confused.

"I thought I ordered surveillance on Ivy," Batman said as he entered the room.

"Ivy, Harley, and Supergirl are using the hot springs and this is not a Japanese Anime," Green Arrow replied.

"Oh," Flash said, as he finally understood the situation.

"Turn on the modesty protocols," Batman replied. "It'll automatically black out everything between the knees, elbows, and neck of anyone not fully dressed."

"Why don't we have this on all the time?" Green Arrow asked while he located and activated the modesty protocols.

"Because the station's AI refuses to accept that the outfits worn by superheroes and villains are clothing," Batman replied.

"Some of them are a tad revealing," Flash admitted with a grin. "But even if it does black out the view of Wonder Woman and Black Canary, it should still be used."

"You misunderstand me," Batman said. "It blacks out all outfits including mine and yours," he added.

"What does it classify our suits as?" Flashed asked, curiously.

"Sleepwear," Batman replied.

"What about all the battles we get into?" Flash complained. "What does it classify those as?!"

"Mating rituals," Batman replied.

"And we don't know anyone who can fix it?" Flash asked doubtfully.

"It's an experimental supercomputer and a low priority problem," Batman explained. "We have more important things to take care of."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

A shiny silver robot sat on a boulder on the surface of the moon, completely still, but though his form was immobile, his mind was anything but.

'Jack of clubs on the queen of hearts,' Corbin decided, as he played his three hundred and twelfth game of solitaire. 'Next software update, I'm making Lex add in Netflix and Hulu. He's a billionaire, he can spring for it.'

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Hey!" Harley called out before Xander could vanish.

Xander put down his empty, hollowed out, supertanker and landed next to the spa. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Tell us why we're here for one," Harley said, unconcerned about her state of dress.

"And help me collect a number of seeds scattered about in the dirt and mud you've been dropping," Ivy added.

"Let me bring my best friend over for lunch," Supergirl chimed in, trying to pretend she was completely comfortable being naked around him. Intellectually she knew clothes might as well be plastic wrap around any Kryptonian, bur emotionally she was still adapting.

"If you mean Batgirl, then yes, feel free," he assured Kara. "I'll need you to show me where they are," he told Ivy. Harley leap up and he let her pull him into the water. "I was getting to you," he assured her.

"I asked first, I should have been answered first," Harley replied with a pout.

"Fine. I need Ivy's help with growing an island's worth of plants, mostly prehistoric. You are here because you make Ivy happy," Xander replied. "Once the plant life is up to snuff, I'll be importing dinosaurs."

"Where are you going to get dinosaurs?" Harley demanded. "They died out a bit ago."

"There's a hidden land full of them," Xander assured her.

"It's true, I've been there," Kara added.

"You've created a volcanic island and are planning to populate it with dinosaurs," Harley said slowly. "Please tell me you've carved a skull in the side of the volcano and the eyes glow red from the lava!" she begged.

"Haven't carved it yet but it's on my to-do list," Xander promised. "Plus, I have an obsidian castle on top of the central volcano."

Harley squealed. "Do we get to see it?"

"Sure, but at the moment it has zero furniture," he warned. "I haven't had a chance to make any doors or windows either."

"Regular glass or old fashioned thick glass with bubbles and imperfections? Harley asked intently.

"I went with regular glass last time, but old fashioned glass does sound a lot cooler," Xander admitted. "What do you think about furniture? I don't want to make it out of obsidian because making everything out of it just seems lazy."

"Polished ebony, it fits the theme," Harley suggested. "Except for the sinks, bath tubs, counters and stuff. Those are traditionally polished stone and obsidian is fine for them, depending on the décor."

"You are helping me decorate," Xander decided. "I'll put up an Arch and connect it to the courtyard so you can come and go easier."

"What's an Arch?" Supergirl asked, hearing the capital letter in his voice.

"Magical doorway from one place to another," Xander replied, lifting out of the water and lying down on the air to let the water run off him. "It's one of the most useful magical items I learned to make."

"How are we going to be paid for this?" Ivy asked.

"Diamonds, gold, access to safe havens and I'll be helping you subtly sabotage illegal deforestation operations and fund environmental groups," Xander replied.

"What kind of sabotage are we talking here?" Ivy asked curiously.

"Subtle ways to increase their costs and cut profits," Xander replied. "Bleeding them for money is the best way to discourage not only them, but also others like them."

"And you think you can do a better job of it than I have?" Ivy challenged.

"You cost a hundred thousand or so a year," Xander replied. "You make them pay more in insurance, but everything continues as normal."

"I've cost them millions!" Ivy claimed loudly.

"No, they've claimed you cost them millions and then they get that money from their insurance company," Xander explained. "As long as they can trace the damage back to you, they get reimbursed, sometimes even making a profit from your actions by claiming more damage than you actually caused."

"What?!" Ivy demanded, wide-eyed.

"Well… shitzu!" Harley groaned.

"I can cause invisible weaknesses in their equipment, causing bulldozers and backhoes to breakdown. I can cause sinkholes to bog down construction," Xander explained. "Acts of god are not covered by insurance policies and I can easily fake them."

"Then what do you need me for?" Ivy demanded, her pride stung.

"I want to speed up the Earth's recovery. I want you to help erase any sign they were even there," Xander replied.

Ivy calmed down as she considered that. "But won't the heroes stop us?"

"Not if we target the illegal operations," Xander said, "and especially not if we're using subtle non-lethal methods."

"What about the legal ones?" Ivy asked.

"Pressure from environmental groups has made them far less destructive and much more eco-friendly, than they ever have been in the past," Xander assured her. "Besides we'll have our hands full just dealing with the illegal ones."

"There is sense in what you say," Ivy admitted. "One of my main limitations was how far I could travel. I couldn't exactly hop a flight to Brazil to deal with the clear cutting there or go on a cruise to Africa to deal with their abhorrent mining practices."

"I can get you there in seconds," Xander promised.

"Bats is goin' ta be pissed." Harley laughed.

"It's the same thing he does," Xander said. "If anything, it's even more legal because we won't be punching anyone in the face."

The girls burst out laughing.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What do you think they're laughing about down there?" Flash asked.

"Hold on, I can read lips," Green Arrow answered. "They're laughing because… huh," Green Arrow said thoughtfully.

"What?" Flash asked.

"They said your suit makes your ass look fat," Green Arrow said sincerely. "I've never thought about it before, but they have a point."

"They did not say that!" Flash exclaimed.

"Their exact words were, 'His suit really emphasizes his problem area and that color is not helping matters any," Green Arrow said, making sure to look The Flash right in the eyes. "J'onn's here, gotta go."

"Hey you don't-" Flash began only to find that Martian Manhunter had turned invisible. "You're just waiting for me to leave so you can avoid an awkward conversation, aren't you?" Hearing only silence, he sighed. "Fine," The Flash muttered and vanished in a red blur.

 **Typing by : – The amazingly wide-awake (I swear!) Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	5. Chapter 5

**A Sunny Day in DC 5**

"I need another… thousand loads of dirt to finish covering the island," Xander said thoughtfully. "It's probably going to take most of the day, so how about I help Ivy collect her seeds, while you work on the Skull design for the volcano?" Xander asked Harley.

"I didn't even think of that!" Harley complained. "I'm going to need an internet connection and a bowl of mashed potatoes."

"Do I want to know?" Supergirl asked.

"Have you never watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind?" Harley asked her in surprise.

"No, why? Is it important?" Supergirl asked.

"Okay, I need a large screen TV as well," Harley told Xander.

"Okay, let me set up the Arch," Xander said. "I've got everything but the food and furniture at my place."

"You have a TV but no furniture?" Ivy asked.

"Yes and no," Xander said. "I have no furniture yet, but some of the walls are enchanted to act like magic mirrors, connected to the numerous cable and internet satellites in orbit."

"I've never heard of magic being used like that, "Ivy said curiously. "Was it something you came up with?"

"It was created by the Sorcerer Supreme from the last universe I was in," Xander explained. "Over the year I was on his Earth, we became good friends and I tried out a lot of his ideas for him and in turn he modified quite a few for my use."

"I'll set some potatoes to grating while you set up the Arch, and I'll grow you some bowls and flatware as well," Ivy said as she climbed out of the water.

"I could also use salt, pepper, gravy and some fried chicken," Harley added. "What? I'm hungry!"

"Okay, I'll hit KFC while you guys do that," Supergirl said, climbing out of the water and getting dressed at super-speed, as she'd felt exposed being naked out of the water in front of Xander for some reason.

"Extra crispy!" Harley said as she climbed out of the water and did a number of stretches that drew everyone's eyes. She smirked, letting everyone know she'd done it on purpose, making them all turn away.

Ivy went inside for her greenhouse, not at all embarrassed and thoroughly amused, while Supergirl flew away at top speed and Xander got to work building the Arch.

Xander built the six-foot Arch out of obsidian bricks against the greenhouse, next to the front door, fusing them together and creating the runes inside the bricks themselves. It took less than a gram of gold to form the runes he needed, not having to worry about erosion or tampering on even the most delicate work, thanks to their placement. "Man, do I love telekinesis!" Xander exclaimed happily.

"Ivy stepped out dressed in leaves again as usual. "Done already?" she asked.

"And he didn't even use super-speed!" Harley said, having watched Xander at work. "Everything molded in his hands like clay."

"So how does it work?" Ivy asked, as she ran a finger along its smooth black surface.

"Think ' _open_ ' at it," Xander told her.

Ivy mentally reached out like she did while contacting her plants and commanded the Arch to open. The space inside the Arch rippled, becoming like water, before stilling and showing the empty courtyard of the black castle.

"Cool!" Harley said excitedly. "What are its limitations?"

"It uses magic, so if the area around the gates are empty of mana, it won't work. As long as one of the two has mana it'll work," Xander explained.

"What if we put one on the moon?" Harley asked.

"Then you have an easy way to reach the moon," Xander said with a shrug. "It won't suddenly cause a vacuum or flood a place if it's placed underwater either and you don't get the bends when going from radically different atmospheric pressures."

"How does that work?" Ivy asked, trying to figure out the processes behind it.

"It's magic, not science," Xander said. "It doesn't have to make sense, it just works."

Harley stepped through the Arch. "Come on, let's see the castle!"

Ivy shrugged and followed. There were many things she didn't understand, as long as it was dependable, the rest didn't matter.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The sound of a staff hitting the ground with each step echoed through the alley.

Daredevil spun around as he realized the two women were hunting for him. "Can I help you?" he asked, noting one of them possessed the heart rate of an Olympiad, possibly a mutant with enhanced physical stats, and the other sounded fit but nothing more than that, however, she was the one carrying a staff and … blindfolded?

"We're looking for Ghost Rider," the possible mutant said calmly, but Daredevil could hear the undercurrent of anger in her voice.

"And what's that to me?" Daredevil asked.

"Word on the street is, you know him," she replied. "We want you to tell us where he is."

Hearing the implied threat he got ready for battle. "And you think you can just beat the answer out of me?" he asked.

The woman wearing the blindfold stepped forward. "We are asking nicely."

Deciding to end this quickly so he could continue his patrol he extended his billy club into its staff form.

"I've seen every move you can make," the blindfolded girl with the staff warned him, "and only one of them ends well for you."

He leapt into motion, but she was already moving to counter him, almost before he made his move, her staff deflecting blows and striking back with a level of force that was surprising, while her friend merely watched.

"And that one wasn't it," she said, before launching her own attack.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Supergirl returned carrying a large box of KFC and a feather almost as tall as her, as Xander and Ivy exited the Arch.

"Got the food, though there was a tiny delay," Supergirl said.

Xander was surprised to see that her outfit was damaged and she had several visible scratch marks. "What happened?" Xander wondered.

"It was hands down–" Supergirl began, when Superman appeared behind her unnoticed, "–the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life!"

"Kara!" he exclaimed in shock, horrified at her language.

Supergirl spun around. "What?! Don't appear behind me like that!"

"I– " Superman noticed the food and the giant feather. "Sorry, I didn't mean to, the transporter malfunctioned. Now, what happened?"

"I found a KFC open in New Orleans, but it was being protested by PETA who had hired a witch doctor to resurrect all their chicken pieces," Supergirl explained.

"You've got to be joking," Ivy said, shaking her head. "Those people give environmentalists a bad name." At the three disbelieving glances, she suppressed the urge to blush as she recalled some of her own actions, which now seemed a bit outrageous in retrospect.

"Anyway, they hired a guy they found online and one of them got mad because he was decorated with bird feathers and claws," Supergirl said, shaking her head. "So after seeing the witch doctor work, he grabbed the guy's staff and tried to do it himself."

"An amateur with a genuine magical focus trying a spell he'd only seen performed a moment ago in a state of high emotion," Xander said with a sigh. "The Universe loves to screw with those people. So what happened?"

"A fifteen foot tall cyborg rooster that shot lasers from its eyes," Supergirl replied. "Not undead, strangely enough, but definitely magical."

"Super Ultra Mega Chicken," Xander said with a nod.

"Please tell me you're joking," Ivy said.

"No, that's its name, but that's an English translation of it, it sounds even worse in chicken," Xander assured her.

"You're going to say it translates into a series of clucking noises, aren't you?" Ivy demanded.

"Magic seems to run on insanity half the time," Xander replied with a shrug. "Anyway, it's a minor fate incarnation that deals with chicken rebirth."

"Well, I did not expect it to put up the fight it did," Supergirl said. "I mean, look at me."

"We should get you to medical," Superman said, concerned.

"It's just some scratches, I'll be fine," Supergirl said firmly.

"Why did you teleport down here?" Xander asked.

"I was going to apologize for over reacting and see if Supergirl would like to come on patrol with me," Superman explained.

"Normally, I'd jump at the chance," Supergirl said, "but we're kind of in the middle of a project right now and I have to watch 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' for some reason."

"You haven't-" Superman stopped himself, as he remembered that Kara actually hadn't been on Earth that long. "I'm going to have to make you a list of movies you really must see."

"So, raincheck?" Supergirl asked.

"Raincheck," Superman agreed. "Xander it was nice seeing you again. Ivy." He nodded politely, before flying off.

"I really should close off the top of the ward scheme so people can't just drop in like that," Xander said.

"How would that work?" Ivy asked.

"It bends space so that the fog covers the sky as well, and anyone trying to come in simply hits the water, while inside we have a normal clear sky," Xander explained. "It can be a bit disorienting and will definitely upset a certain paranoid fellow of your acquaintance, so I was putting it off."

"As long as you leave a way for me to come and go, I say do it," Supergirl said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go join Harley," she said, vanishing in a blur of speed.

"Magic instead of destructive technology, clean air and water, extinct species… all in its own little world. It'll be like the Garden of Eden," Ivy said with a far off look in her eye.

"Do you know how many planets there are in this Solar System? Do you know how many are capable of sustaining life with some effort?" Xander asked.

"What are you saying?" Ivy demanded.

"Earth is just the start," Xander replied, "I plan on terraforming every planet I can."

"But then humans will just move in and ruin them!" Ivy complained.

"The human race is slowly learning not to destroy their environment," Xander explained. "Terraforming takes ages and most of the work is done by plants. By the time other planets are ready to support human life, humans will be advanced enough not to ruin things. Of course, by then we'll have moved on ourselves, most likely."

"I supposed I'll die of old age before the fruits of our labor become apparent, but as a Kryptonian, you'll probably still be around," Ivy said.

"Actually I meant we'd probably move onto terraforming another Solar System. Connected to the Green as you are, I expect you to still be around centuries from now," Xander explained.

"You certainly dream big," Ivy said, shaking her head.

Xander chuckled. "Actually this is pretty modest and laid back. If you want big dreams, I can suggest things that will blow your mind."

Ivy decided to take him at his word. "I think we should stick to modest for now. What do we do first?"

"First we join hands and combine abilities," Xander replied. "Ever heard of touch telepathy?"

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"If I had a big ass, you'd tell me, right?" Flash asked, dodging a handful of explosive marbles.

"What?" Trickster replied, freezing in place.

"Listen, we've worked together for a number of years now," Flash began.

"Yeah, I rob places and you catch me, etc…" Trickster agreed.

"Right, so I'm asking… have I been getting a little big in the rear?" Flash asked.

Trickster shook his head. "Dude, your glutes are fine."

"Really? You're not kidding me?" Flash asked.

"If you'd gained a bit of back up in your back up, I'd have been making baboon jokes," Trickster assured him.

"Baboon jokes?" Flash wondered, curiously.

"Baboons have big colorful asses," Trickster explained, "so if you'd gained weight, I'd have been making jokes about baboons because it'd provide a nice vivid visual to the listener and it'd fit well with the red jumpsuit. When you make jokes, you have to get in the head of your audience or it's all wasted effort."

"That makes sense," Flash said relieved. "Thanks for letting me know, I was feeling a bit self-conscious since a couple of women made some comments."

"Hey Bro, anytime," Trickster assured him. "Your lower body is fine, but I would suggest working on the upper half a bit." The bank hostages walked out quietly as the pair talked.

"What?" Flash asked examining himself.

"You run all the time," Trickster explained, "that keeps you fit and trim and all, but how often do you work on your upper body?"

"I don't," Flash realized.

"Exactly," Trickster said, setting all his weapons aside as a pair of police officers approached. "Your upper body isn't out of shape, but you're not giving it the attention it deserves so your arms and pecs just aren't as developed as they should be."

"Thanks," Flash told Trickster, as he was being cuffed, "it wasn't easy to hear, but I needed to hear it."

"No problem," Trickster replied. "See you around."

"See you around," Flash said waving as the cops took Trickster away.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"That… is just about perfect," Xander said, as he examined the volcano made out of mashed potatoes that Harley had made and carved a skull wearing a Jester's cap into the side of.

"The Jester's cap isn't too much?" she asked.

"No, I like that," Xander said. "I actually mean the red eyes. The glow isn't strong enough to be that red, at most it'll be a dim glow when the side of the volcano is in shadow."

"I only had ketchup packages to work with," Harley replied, before eating her creation.

"Considering what he had to work with for special effects, Spielberg was a pretty talented director," Supergirl said. "Did he make any other movies?"

"A few," Ivy said amused, as Xander and Harley just stared.

"We are having a movie night tonight," Harley said solemnly.

"But first we will have out first magic lesson," Xander told Supergirl. "This is one of the most useful and easiest to learn spells I know, it's called 'Mend'."

"What's it do?" Harley asked.

"It mends small tears and rips in cloth," Xander replied.

The three instantly focused on him.

"I was only planning on teaching Supergirl, but I supposed it's safe enough to teach you two as well," Xander told the pair of villains.

"Does it work on Nylons?" Ivy asked.

"Or stuffed animals?" Harley added hopefully.

"Yes and yes," Xander agreed.

"What if I have no skill in magic?" Supergirl asked, biting her lower lip.

"Then I'll teach you how to telekinetically mend clothes ahead of schedule," Xander assured her.

"How can you tell who has talent?" Ivy asked.

"Normally, you just try and see if it works," Xander replied. "However your connection to the green means you definitely have talent, more than I do in fact."

"Why do you have a telekinetic version if you can do a magic one?" Harley asked.

"The magic one is limited to just cloth," Xander explained. He touched one of the tears in Supergirl's top and spoke a ' _word_ ' causing it to seal itself back together as he ran his fingers along it. "Telekinetically fixing this would have been a lot more difficult because it's a Kryptonian super-fabric, but since it's 'cloth' magic repairs it easily. Telekinesis allows me to repair almost anything, while magic allows me to easily repair almost any specific thing I know the spell for regardless of how hard it would normally be."

"So there are spells to repair a lot more things, but they are material… concept specific?" Ivy asked.

"Usually," Xander agreed. "For instance, there are spells just to repair toys that will repair damaged clothing on toys, but not clothing in general."

"Got any that repairs skin?" Harley asked pointing to a scabbed over scratch on Supergirl's neck that her hair had hidden.

"Yes, but that one had already healed," Xander replied. "As it turns out, the spell to heal minor injuries actually requires you to kiss the 'boo-boo' to heal it."

"Seriously?" Supergirl asked.

"The simplest one does," Xander said.

"Well, what if someone got kicked in the crotch?" Harley asked with a smirk.

"There is actually a spell specifically for that," Xander said, as Ivy rolled her eyes and Kara blushed. "Wanna see?"

"S-Sure," Harley agreed, glancing at the other two women to see their reaction.

Xander got down on his knees in front of her and leaned in close, causing Harley to turn bright red. He quickly blew on her while flicking his fingers at her.

"Cold!" Harley squealed, dancing around and clutching her crotch. "So cold!"

"It's an instant Ice Pack spell," Xander told the other two women as they burst out laughing.

"Turn it off!" Harley squealed. "You're chapping my lips here!"

"For a moment I thought you were going to…" Supergirl trailed off, shaking her head.

"A foursome is a bit adventurous at this stage, don't you think?" Xander teased.

"Turn female and I'll consider it," Ivy said, amused.

Harley leapt on Xander. "Warm my crotch!"

"It's a date," Supergirl joked as Xander tried to fend off Harley who was trying to shove his head in her crotch.

 **Typed by – Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	6. Chapter 6

**A Sunny Day in DC 6**

Xander used his heat vision to warm up Harley's crotch while laying on the air several feet above her.

Harley let off a satisfied moan that was almost sexual in nature. "That's the spot," Harley said with a relieved sigh.

"By the way, have I mentioned I'm a were-woman?" Xander asked.

"A who-the-what now?" Harley asked.

"Just like a werewolf except instead of hair, I grow breasts," Xander replied.

Supergirl and Ivy laughed, positive he was joking.

"Are you allergic to silver?" Harley asked curiously, having heard stranger things.

"No, but chocolate puts me to sleep," he replied.

Supergirl snickered. "Better shave your legs next week, then."

"Huh? Why?" Harley asked.

"Because if he turns into a woman, we agreed to an orgy," Ivy replied. "And it's just common courtesy to shave before an orgy."

"True, but it'd be more fun if we did it the week before while he was still male," Harley replied thoughtfully.

"Just keep things going till sunrise," Xander told her. "I'm only forced to be a woman at night during the full moon and the nights on either side of it."

Ivy and Supergirl exchanged surprised glances, realizing he might in fact be serious.

"What would happen if you bit me?" Harley asked.

"Nothing, you're already a woman," Xander told her.

Harley laid on the floor and looked up at him as he laid in the air near the ceiling. "Nuke my crotch a little more please, it's a bit chilly still."

Xander warmed Harley up as she made frying raises and pretended to cook.

"How did you get such a unique... curse?" Ivy asked, deciding there were too many details to be a simple prank.

"I was changed into an exact duplicate of Supergirl by Janus, the Roman god, as a Halloween prank," Xander explained. "I consulted with the most powerful magic user I could find and he managed to return me to a male and Kryptonian version of myself, but since chaos magic was involved, there was a certain balance to it, meaning the cure had to amuse Janus and I'd made an offhand comment about were-womanism, so boom, I sit down to pee three nights a lunar cycle. I used to stay female during the day as well, but it turns out I can shift during the day."

"You're serious," Supergirl said.

"It's not a deal breaker, is it?" Xander asked, a little concern leaking into his voice.

Supergirl rolled her eyes. "If I'm woman enough to joke about an all girl orgy, you leaving the seat down three nights a month isn't even a blip on my screens."

"OK," Xander said, relieved.

"That's sweet," Harley said with a sappy smile.

"We should probably get as much work done as possible before nightfall," Ivy pointed out, letting the two embarrassed Kryptonians recover.

"I need a load of Mississippi delta mud for the lake if at all possible, and you are going to need to buy furniture, or at least the cushions and fabric. I can grow and shape wood, not cloth."

"What should I do?" Supergirl asked.

"Make sure Batgirl is free tonight," Ivy suggested.

"Pick up food and drink for tonight," Harley added as she got up off the floor. "You don't have a fridge, do ya?" she asked Xander.

"I'll carve a chest out of stone and toss some runes on it," Xander said, landing on the floor. "Takes all of five minutes and keeps things cold for weeks."

"A working bathroom would also be nice," Harley added.

"The toilets work, as do sinks and baths," Xander assured her. "I just don't have any toilet paper or towels."

"What about the magic lesson?" Harley asked.

"We can practice that tonight. I need sunlight for most of my work because of the amount of energy needed," Ivy explained.

"You and me both," Xander agreed, absently sealing the rips in Supergirl's outfit, not even noticing where he was touching her, though she appeared very much aware and amused.

"I'll need some advance pay to grab feminine stuff," Harley announced. "I was planning on hitting the store this afternoon before we got here."

"Can you pick me up some seeds?" Ivy asked. "I need fruits and vegetables mainly, because we are sorely lacking here."

"Would you prefer raw diamonds or gold?" Xander asked. "The beach has diamonds scattered about."

"I got a fence who can get me a good deal on em," Harley said brightly. "Give me a ride?" she asked Supergirl.

"Better wear civvies," Xander suggested.

"Yeah, fences are a tad touchy," Harley agreed.

"But the diamonds are legal," Supergirl pointed out.

"Diamond merchants bribe politicians who put laws in place to prevent people from selling diamonds unless they get them from the merchants themselves," Harley explained. "So technically selling diamonds you own, that aren't certified as coming from their mines, is a crime."

Supergirl paused and thought about it. "I have no problem breaking a law that stupid," she decided, "but it will be while in civvies."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Wanna stop by the Nile and see if we can find some more seeds of that extinct flower?" Xander asked.

"Yes, but I'm not sure I should," Ivy admitted. "The decay and pollution of the modern world affect me greatly, limiting my abilities and making me... irritable in a short period of time. I only really notice the effects after being in clean environments for a while, which are exceedingly rare. I feel… relaxed here."

"How about we aim for a less polluted stretch of river, far from human habitation? That should be much healthier and more likely to contain viable seeds," Xander pointed out. "Plus, since I'll just be carrying you, I can move a lot faster than when I am retrieving mud."

"That would help," Ivy agreed. She took a few deep breaths before her eyes closed, a slight aura of green surrounding her for a moment. "OK, I'm ready."

Xander picked her up bridal style, surprised to feel an empathic connection to the plants around them despite not trying to combine their powers.

"I usually don't reach this deeply into the green, because it makes it harder to pay attention to my physical form," Ivy explained, feeling his surprise. "I can't maintain it for long either," she warned, "but it'll help me maintain my equilibrium near... civilization."

"I'll keep you safe and comfortable so you can concentrate," Xander promised.

"The only way I could be more comfortable would be if you were already a woman," Ivy said as Xander lifted off. "I know it's sexist of me, but I've been betrayed by too many men to feel wholly comfortable with one."

Xander's form shifted, shrinking slightly and gaining curves that did not belong on a man. "Better?" she asked.

Ivy almost reached up to feel her chest, but controlled herself. "I thought you only changed during the lunar cycle, like a werewolf."

"That's when I have to change," Xander explained, "but I can change at will at any other point in the cycle."

"And you didn't bring this up when we discussed an all girl orgy?" Ivy asked as they flew.

"You were joking, Kara is not that comfortable with the idea of having sex with me as a girl much less an orgy, and Harley may like to posture, but we both know she values your relationship with her too much to bring in anyone else... save possibly Batgirl and I'm guessing on that one," Xander explained.

"I believe you're right," Ivy said, "but that may change as we get closer to the full moon and they actually consider the idea."

"Especially if we tease them and pretend we are serious about it," Xander said with a grin.

"And how do you know I'm not serious?" Ivy asked.

"Empathic reading while in contact," Xander reminded her. "Even if you aren't projecting, I can still feel your emotions while we are touching."

Ivy sighed. "I'd feel better if you were a typical male who I could manipulate, I'd at least be on more familiar ground there. The fact that you do turn into a female does confuse the issue, making it both easier and harder."

"A man you could simply use and cast aside while a woman is owed more courtesy," Xander said, having a good grasp on Ivy's thoughts on the matter.

"Exactly," Ivy agreed. "I'd have to treat you as a person and not a thing." She shook her head. "Sometimes I wish I was a better person, but then I remember that it's people who made me the way I am. Thankfully even as a male you almost seem like one of the girls, so I can deal with you fairly, though I didn't notice until now."

"And we're here," Xander said as he dropped down to hover over the surface of the Nile, causing the wildlife to flee the area as even the crocodiles found a hovering person strange.

"this isn't bad at all," Ivy said, relieved. The plants on the river's banks for nearly a mile in either direction began to flower and grow.

"Let me know if you sense any sources of pollution, like dump sites or leaky machinery," Xander told her as she scanned the area.

"Why?" Ivy asked.

"Because machinery repair and site cleanup are both well within my power," Xander reminded her. "While I prefer long term solutions, nothing says I can't do short term ones while working on longer ones."

"Even a small step forward helps you gain momentum," Ivy said thoughtfully. "You are remarkably rational for a penis owner."

"I try," Xander said with a grin, taking the compliment in the spirit it was given.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	7. Chapter 7

**A Sunny Day in DC 7**

"This is worth a lot more than I can pay you, even if no one is looking for it," the fence admitted as he examined the uncut gems through a jeweler's loupe.

"Eh, why's that?" Harley asked curiously.

"Because while most of these are just good sized uncut diamonds, there are half a dozen black diamonds and two red ones," he admitted with a sigh. "I mean, I'd love to cheat you, but the value of these are worth killing over and I like breathin'."

"Separate out the ones you can afford now and keep an ear out for possible buyers for the others," Kara suggested. "A ten percent finder's fee for playing middleman at no risk is much better than turning away business."

"Normally I'd agree, but I don't burn my clients and anyone looking to buy these would probably double-cross you," he said. "I got enough on me for about a third of the normal ones. Now there's something I never thought I'd say, normal diamonds."

"Works for me," Harley said, grinning widely as he handed her a hello kitty backpack and carefully chose eight of the diamonds before returning the rest.

"While we're here, what do you have in the way of mystical items, magical texts, villain gear, and kryptonite?" Kara asked.

The balding old man laughed. "Nearly enough to afford a red diamond, as despite the value, I have a much harder time moving things of this nature than I do acquiring them."

"Serious?" Harley asked Kara.

"Gets it off the street and gives me things to play with," Kara replied honestly.

Harley pulled out a red diamond, sitting it in front of the old man. "Load it all into a shipping container on pier five. I'll have a bunch of purchases delivered there as well."

"Two shipping containers," he corrected her. "I have been collecting for nearly a decade."

"Make sure the kryptonite is hidden in something lined with lead," Kara added.

"I'm hardly a tyro in these matters," he said with a chuckle, "besides, kryptonite is radioactive and I for one don't plan on getting super-cancer or whatever else that stuff can give you."

"Smarter than Lex Luthor," Kara said with a grin.

"Wiser anyway," he replied. "It'll take me at least four hours to get everything loaded up, some of it is fragile and other things are volatile."

"Let's go hit Cosco, I plan on buying things in bulk so we don't have to go shopping for about a year," Harley told Kara.

"I've never been there," Kara replied. "Is it true you can buy three packs of pianos there?"

Harley laughed as she lead her out. "Nah, at least I don't think so, but I have seen some quad runners and swimming pools so... maybe. One of the things they do have however is Ben and Jerry's in bulk!"

"Ohh, now you're singing my song!" Kara said with a grin.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander strode across the water while carrying an amused Poison Ivy. They had already collected her seeds and were attempting to clean up a section of the Nile that had seen several ships capsize sometime in the past several years.

"Isn't walking on the water a tad overdramatic?" she asked.

"For the type of fine control I'm using its best if I'm in contact with the material," the blonde haired were-woman replied.

"Fine control?" Ivy asked before examining the water and noting what looked to be an oil slick following them through the murky depths of the normally muddy waters.

"I can strain out most contaminants while not affecting the local flora and fauna," Xander explained. "My range isn't as good as it could be, but it is improving."

"That's impressive," Ivy said. "I've never heard of Superman doing anything like this."

"Probably never occurred to him," Xander replied as he stepped onto the shore. Sand slowly gathered into a large mound that melted for no apparent reason before shaping itself into a massive circular glass tank.

"Won't the sunlight magnified through the glass simply set the oil on fire?" Ivy asked.

"Good point," Xander agreed, the dirt and sand around the tank churning and slowly swallowing ninety percent of the tank, the top twenty feet now surrounded by dirt and sand blocking out everything but the sun from directly over it.

Ivy reached up and wiped the sweat from Xander's forehead. "Difficult?" she asked.

"Very," Xander agreed. "I probably should have made the tank before collecting all the crud from the water, because holding it all together while doing so is not only draining but adds a new level of difficulty, like patting your belly while rubbing your head."

"I think that's the other way around," Ivy corrected her as the thick black ooze crawled across the ground and up the hill towards the tank.

"That's entirely possible," Xander agreed, looking more relaxed as the ooze gained speed, remarkably clean and dry odds and ends falling out of the crud as it climbed the hill.

"I expected a lot more trash," Ivy said as she noted the slowly growing pile was mostly metallic.

"I break the plastics back down into oil and mulch most everything else," Xander explained tiredly.

"You should take a break," Ivy said, concerned.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Xander agreed, setting Ivy down and taking a seat next to the hill and the pile of odds and ends.

Seeing the flow of ooze hadn't stopped she looked at Xander and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just moving it into the tank now," he assured her. "The hard work is all done."

"If you say so," Ivy replied, poking through the pile with some interest, the plants up and down the Nile in nearly a quarter of a mile swelling with life, damaged and sick plants healing at a visible rate.

"Now who's straining themselves?" Xander teased.

Ivy put on an ancient gold torc. "Well I couldn't let you upstage me, now could I?"

Xander grinned before breaking into a yawn. "I may need a couple of hours of sunbathing and a nap before we pick up the mud you wanted."

Ivy yawned as well, before catching herself. "I'm not averse to that idea," she agreed. "I'm surprised there is so much jewelry and some of it looks ancient."

"Mankind has been traveling the Nile for thousands of years and crocodiles aren't the only dangers its muddy waters conceal," Xander replied. "Anything that falls in the Nile, usually stays in the Nile."

"You should destroy all the guns," she said, while weaving herself a bag out of reeds for the various valuable or interesting things she discovered in the pile. "Can you speed up the decay rate and turn them to rust?"

Xander waved a lazy hand calling all the modern weapons to her. "No, but I can easily break them down into metal particles." At her touch, gun after gun broke down into metallic sand and cascaded to the ground.

"Useful," Ivy said. "I think I have just enough energy left for a sweep of the area to help it recover, but then I really will need some time in the sun."

"How are you holding up mentally?" Xander asked as she picked her up.

"Better than I expected," Ivy admitted. "Feeling the recovery of the earth in this region does wonders for my mood."

"And here we were just supposed to visit a pristine site and collect some seeds," Xander said as they flew off.

"While seeing pristine wilderness is nice, making pristine wilderness is simply fantastic," Ivy said sincerely.

"I'd pat myself on the back, but I'm afraid I'd drop you," Xander joked.

Ivy rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Fine, not to stroke your... ego too much, but your ideas on how best to go about repairing the Earth are not without their merits."

Xander grinned and sped towards her island.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Who the hell robs a Costco?" Harley demanded as she ducked under a flying body and swept the feet out from under a pair of ski-masked thugs.

"These guys," Kara replied with a grin as she used a judo throw to send another thug flying into several others.

"Why so gentle?" Harley asked as she backhanded a thug who'd tried to come at her from behind.

"The difference between hospital and morgue is a really small margin for me if I'm not careful," Kara replied honestly before spinning around and rising up in the air, her eyes glowing red. "Get away from my Ben and Jerry's!"

The thug looked at her and glanced at the cart, which Harley had half filled with feminine hygiene items and quickly put two and two together as there were very few flying blondes with glowing red eyes. "Supergirl's on the rag! Run!"

Kara sighed and facepalmed, while Harley laughed until tears ran from her eyes as the criminals fled like all the forces of hell were chasing them.

Bane, who was several spots behind the two in line, reached into his trench coat and pulled out a copy of the Princess Bride. The embarrassment of anyone finding out he was buying a copy was far less than being beaten up by a small blonde girl because it was that time of month.

"Where to next?" Kara asked as the cashier quickly returned to ringing up their order.

"A specialty shop that carries seeds," Harley replied. "Plus a couple of plant cuttings, cause seedless fruit is all sterile and I like bananas."

"Can Ivy grow Kryptonian fruit?" Kara asked hopefully.

"If it's a plant, she can grow it," Harley said. "What's alien fruit like anyway?"

"Fruit is generally the same the universe over," Kara assured her. "I have a couple from plants that glow at night to attract insects for pollination, but otherwise it's just fruit."

"That's kinda disappointing," Harley admitted. "I was hoping for things that floated in the air or made music or something."

"Dirigible plums and melody melons," Kara said with a nod, as Harley paid the cashier.

"So you do have amazing plants!" Harley exclaimed.

"Those aren't Kryptonian," Kara said, shaking her head. "Those are terrestrial."

"Earth has plants like that?" she asked doubtfully.

"Zatanna was telling me about them," the Kryptonian explained. "When most of the Earth's magical people left, they took all the magical plants and animals with them."

"I'll have to find something to bribe her with for some," Harley decided.

"Famous magician memorabilia," Kara suggested, gathering all the bags. "She collects the stuff."

"That gives me an idea," Harley said with a grin.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Kara!" Superman snapped out as he appeared and tossed his cape over Xander, who had been nude sunbathing with Poison Ivy.

"That was rather rude," Ivy said, making no move to cover up.

"I agree," Xander said, causing Superman to take a second look.

"You're not Kara," Superman noted, surprised, before turning away.

"No, I'm not," Xander agreed. "If I was Kara, I would probably be a bit upset. We are on a private beach sunbathing, not doing anything immoral and yet here you are acting as if we were doing something indecent."

"I know, and I'm completely at fault for my behavior," Superman said earnestly. "My cousin is growing up and I'm having a hard time adapting. You have my most sincere apologies."

"Apology accepted," Xander said. "Now if you'll both excuse me, I need to change and pick up a few loads of Mississippi delta to line the lake bottom."

"What?" Superman asked as Xander handed back his cape.

Xander shifted back to male, his superhero outfit appearing on him.

"Wha...?" Superman trailed off.

"Got bit by a human woman during her time of the month that coincided on a full moon," Xander said as seriously as possible. "Considering our nonexistent resistance to magic and the relatively high average magical potential of humans..." Xander sighed and shook his head. "I suppose it wasn't really a matter of if it'd happen, but when. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do." He vanished in a blur of speed.

"Um..." Superman stopped, having no idea what to ask Ivy.

"My knowledge of magic is much more limited than his," Ivy said honestly, tapping into the Green to suppress the urge to smile.

"A little help down there," Harley called out as Kara landed with three cargo containers carefully balanced above her, Harley standing on the top one.

Superman helped her set the three down, side by side.

"Kal? What are you doing here?" Kara asked, surprised.

"Being overprotective and overreacting," he replied with a shrug and a sigh. "The usual. Hopefully I'll grow out of it soon."

"That's sweet," Harley said, wishing she'd had a big brother like that.

Superman glanced over and froze as he saw she was carrying a shopping bag filled with feminine care items. His eyes flicked upwards to make sure the sun was still up. "Yes... well, I... emergency, gotta go!"

Kara looking faintly surprised. "I didn't hear anything."

Seeing what was in the bag as Harley plopped down in her lap, Ivy burst out laughing.

 **Typing by : Abyssal Angel**


	8. Chapter 8

"OK, put a finger on the sand and feel it. Picture each grain; use your X-ray vision if you have to. Now slowly lift your finger up while keeping the feel of them in your mind," Xander instructed her. "Picture your aura surrounding them, causing them to cling together like they were magnetic."

"You did it!" Harley cheered Supergirl on as she held a finger three feet above the ground, a thin thread of sand extending to the beach.

Xander opened his mouth to congratulate her but paused and focused on the sand. "Memorize the feel of what you just did."

Supergirl nodded, her face a mask of concentration.

"OK, now do it a dozen more times so you know you have it down," he said.

Supergirl did as instructed, finishing with a flourish by using all five fingers on her final demonstration. "I thought it would be much harder to learn to extend a telekinetic aura," she said with a smile.

"It is and you didn't," Xander said with a grin.

"What do ya call that then?!" Harley demanded.

"Take a close look at the sand," Xander said. "What does it all have in common?"

Supergirl dropped the threads, catching them with her other hand and using her telescopic vision to examine them as the threads broke apart into grains of sand once more. "They're all iron, well almost all."

"That was magnokinesis, not telekinesis," Xander said.

"I didn't know we could do that," Supergirl said.

"Neither did I," Xander replied, surprising her.

"What?"

"It's a skill I don't have," Xander replied.

Supergirl smiled. "Nice to see you don't have all the answers, though I can't see this as being all that useful."

"Depends on how strong it is and how much control you have," he said. "I've known a magnokinetic who had so much power and control he could block all but the strongest telepaths. Just off the top of my head I can think of a couple of uses depending on differing levels of power and control. Lots of power with little control means you can fry enemy electronics and disrupt communications while lots of control and little power means you can make machines your bitch."

"What if I have low power and little control?" Supergirl asked while Harley laughed.

"Then it's a cool party trick and you can erase old VHS tapes," Xander replied, unconcerned. "We have awesome powers galore; I'd be surprised if we didn't have a couple of modest ones as well."

Supergirl grinned. "I'll experiment with it later. Let's try extending my telekinetic aura again."

"OK, but first use that magnetic trick to filter out all the ferrous grains of sand so you won't confuse the two," Xander suggested.

Ivy listened with half an ear, soaking up the sun and listening to Harley's laughter. A wave of Green was slowly encompassing the island as, for the first time in a long time, the May Queen felt utterly content.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Flash glanced up from the monitors before doing a double take as he saw Guy. "The hair and the hammer are new as is the grin. What's up?"

Guy spun the hammer in his hand, a huge grin on his face. "Ran into that new Kryptonian guy. He grew out my hair as a prank and then gave me this hammer to make up for it."

"Huh," Flash said. "Strangely enough, it's not a bad look for you. It kinda reminds me of those Viking guys."

"Ice likes it," Guy said smugly.

"Dude, seriously?!" Flash exclaimed.

"Liked it so much I've got a date on Friday."

"Get outta town!" Flash said with a grin.

"Of course I'll need someone to double with Fire… wadda ya say?"

"I… I say, you are my best friend!" Flash exclaimed happily.

Guy laughed. "This has been a good day."

"So… Kryptonian hammer?" Flash asked curiously.

"This?" Guy asked, holding up the hammer. "He made it out of stuff from the bottom of the ocean, said it was a copy of Thor's hammer. It packs one hell of a punch but I gotta charge it like my ring and it'd take thousands of charges to fully power it."

"And you guys are stuck at two charges a day, unlike the original Lantern," Flash realized.

"The old timer isn't stuck at two?" Guy asked curiously.

"Nope," Flash replied, "his lantern was made from a meteor and doesn't have an AI, so while it doesn't have all the functions yours has, it has a lot less limitations too."

"Hey," Guy said thoughtfully, "he's not active these days, think I could get him to charge it for me?"

"He's got the time and it couldn't hurt to ask," Flash offered.

"Got his number?"

"Sure, I'll ring him up," Flash said, his finger dancing across the keyboard in front of him. He held a finger to one of his golden lightning ear pieces. "It's ringing."

"You've got Bluetooth on those?" Guy asked, surprised.

"Are you kidding? I've got them wired for everything, including the Playboy- Hello! No, not an emergency. We've got something that needs a lot of powering up and the normal lanterns have limits you can ignore. Really? Super! We'll be right over." Flash tapped a button on the console in front of him. "We can drop in on him in about half an hour, he has to get his lantern and costume out as well as mix up some ice tea."

"Ice tea?" Guy asked.

"It's considered a point of pride to always have something to offer guests," Flash explained, "my grandmother was the same way."

"How old is he?" Guy asked.

"I think he was born in the 1920's," Flash replied. "Let me put it this way, he dated Wonder Woman when she first started out."

"He doesn't look that old," Guy said. "Guess all the action kept him young…ish."

"It ages you faster," Flash disagreed, "unless you get exposed to any of a million things that would slow down your aging, which has happened before."

"Well he should go for another dose, he looks to be in his early sixties," Guy said.

"If you ever find something that reliably slows down you aging without making you crazy or turn evil, let me know," Flash said, shaking his head.

"I'll keep an eye out," Guy promised, amused.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Alan opened the door hidden in the back of his closet, revealing a second closet with a dozen outfits on hangers. He hadn't changed his costume design all that often, but he had altered it a bit as needed to try and keep it in fashion. He chose his classic green and black reversible cape, with green pants and red boots, topped by a red shirt with a green train conductor's lantern in a yellow circle on the center of his chest. He left the domino mask hanging around his neck, no need to disguise his identity and Guy didn't wear a mask anyway.

Pushing the rest of the costumes aside, he revealed a black cape draped over a large lamp. Moving the cape revealed a softly glowing green lantern, like the ones train conductors originally used and an overly large green ring sitting on top of it. "Come to Poppa," he said, reaching for the ring which almost seemed to jump to his hand, the small train conductor's lantern on the front of it lighting up the closet as he put it on.

"Almost feels like old times," he said with a grin, the years weighing lightly on him as he placed his lantern on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to get the ice tea.

He'd just gotten everything set up when Flash and Guy showed up in a burst of light.

"Flash, good to see you," Alan said, shaking his hand.

"You can always stop be Central City and patrol with me if you want to hang out," Flash said cheerfully. "My rogues would get a kick out of being busted by you."

Alan laughed. "I may take you up on that sometime." He turned to Guy. "That's a new look for you. It's an improvement."

Guy shook his hand and chuckled a bit self consciously. "I've been hearing that a lot lately."

"So what can I do for you?" Alan asked, gesturing for them to sit and have some tea.

Flash poured himself a glass. "Guy, it's your hammer."

"OK, let me give you a quick rundown," Guy said, accepting a cup of tea from Flash, "the new Kryptonian made me a hammer." Guy passed the hammer to Alan who examined it closely.

"Norse runes," Alan noted. "Whom so ever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor."

"What?" Guy asked.

"See the runes?" Alan asked, holding the hammer up and running his finger around the top of the hammer, encircling the upper edge.

"I thought that was just decoration," Guy admitted.

"Mystic runes are rarely just decorative," Flash said.

"He did say it was a duplicate," Guy noted thoughtfully.

"Duplicate?" Alan asked.

"Let me tell you the full story," Guy said. "I saw the new Kryptonian going through re-entry in some hippie threads and tried to save him. He was a bit annoyed so he caused my hair to grow out half a foot. Realizing I was just trying to help, he gave my hair the Viking makeover and made me a copy of Thor's hammer. He said magic was involved so he wasn't sure how much energy I had to pour into it to fully charge it but it was probably going to be thousands of ring charges. I dropped a couple of percentage points in it and shattered an iceberg with a single blow, so I kinda wanna see what it'll do when it's fully charged, but my lantern can only do so much."

"While mine has no such limits," Alan said, "plus I have an abundance of free time."

"If you wouldn't mind," Flash said.

"I don't mind," Alan said, "in fact I'm kinda curious as to what it'll do myself, but it's going to take me at least a week to pour over a thousand charges into it."

"That's fine," Guy assured him, "It'd take me a decade, a week or two is hardly any time at all."

 ***Beep*Beep*Beep***

"Duty calls," Flash said. "It was good seeing you again Alan. Mind if I stop by tomorrow? You never did finish telling me what you and Wonder Woman did when Wotan raised that platoon of zombies."

"Room for one more?" Guy asked. "Cause I wouldn't mind hearing that story myself."

"Come by for lunch, I'll make some Reuben sandwiches," Alan said cheerfully.

 ***Beep*Beep*Beep***

"And that's me as well," Guy said. "See ya tomorrow!"

The pair vanished in a flash of light and Alan grinned. "The adventure never ends."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"That's it," Xander said encouragingly as Kara bit her lip and concentrated on the sand in front of her as it slowly flowed upwards in the shape of a tiny snowman.

"I did it!" Kara cheered.

Xander started humming and glanced at the water with an evil grin. The two girls turned to see what he was looking at and saw a fin made of sand break the surface of the water. "Go go, Godzilla!" Xander cheered.

"What? You wouldn't!" Kara exclaimed as a two-foot-tall Godzilla made of sand lumbered out of the water and towards her defenseless snowman.

"You've gotta defend him," Xander teased as his mini Godzilla paused to let out a soundless roar, its head thrown back.

Kara's eyes narrowed and two red hot lances of heat struck the miniature monster, causing the sand to melt.

Xander grinned and forced the molten glass to retain its form. "I meant with sand defenses."

"Oh!" Kara said while Harley fell over laughing.

Rough walls of sand began to form between Godzilla and the little snowman made of sand.

The glass figure breathed fire on the wall, causing it to melt.

"That's cheating!" Kara complained.

"Godzilla has atomic fire breath," Xander said with a shrug, "I'm not making it up."

"Quick, make Tokyo tower!" Harley ordered. "Godzilla always attacks it first!"

A copy of Tokyo tower formed out of the sand. While a bit rough and lopsided, it was much more detailed than the snowman or the wall had been.

Godzilla turned away from the snowman to attack the tower.

"We need the Japanese self defense force!" Harley exclaimed. "Make some tanks!"

Rows of tiny tanks formed in front of the snowman, springing up almost instantly, their edges sharp and well defined.

Xander smirked as Harley barked orders and Kara's army gained more and more detail as she lost herself in the game.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	9. Chapter 9

"Nooo!" Kara cried as Godzilla unleashed his fire breath on her roughly formed little snowman made of sand. "Curse your atomic breath!"

"Poor Frosty," Harley said, before noticing it wasn't deforming under the flame, retaining its shape even as the sand turned to glass.

Xander waved a hand, carefully pulling the heat from the two glass figures so they wouldn't crack as they cooled.

"I thought you were going to destroy him," Kara said.

"No," Xander said, shaking his head, "It's the first thing you made using telekinesis, I figured you'd want him."

Kara gave him a kiss on the cheek, quickly turning away to hide her blush and pretending to examine Frosty for cracks when she realized what she'd done.

"I'm stealing Godzilla," Harley said, finding the two-foot-tall glass sculpture surprisingly heavy as she lifted it.

"The next snowman I won't preserve," Xander warned.

"Next one?" Kara asked.

"Practice makes perfect," Xander replied, "and you'll probably improve faster if we 'spar' with it than I did simply making sand sculptures."

"If we'd had some jets we coulda won," Harley said with a sigh.

"Jets are no more effective than tanks against Godzilla, plus it's harder to manipulate multiple shapes, much less ones at a distance," Kara said. "Surprisingly draining too."

"A quick solar soak in upper orbit and you'll be fine," Xander said. "It's mostly mental strain."

"I thought you didn't know a lot about pop culture," Harley told Kara. "How come you knew so much about Godzilla?"

"The family I'm staying with watches a lot of old movies," Kara said, "so if it's in black and white I've seen it."

"Some of them are better than the newer ones," Harley said. "I swear the Godzilla movie where they made him into a giant iguana was made just to make the older ones look good."

"Speaking of movies, if you want to invite Batgirl you'll have to get a move on, it's going to be nightfall soon enough," Ivy pointed out.

"I need to check in at home and drop off Frosty," Kara said.

"I need to grab something in Gotham and get a change of clothes," Harley said. "In reverse order."

"I'll take Harley and invite Batgirl," Xander said.

"I'll get everything set up at the castle," Ivy volunteered.

"See you later," Kara said, taking a deep breath and deliberately giving Xander a kiss on the cheek before flying off in a burst of speed.

"You are so smitten," Harley teased.

"What?" Xander asked.

"You have a remarkably dopey grin on your face," Ivy said, amused.

Xander nodded, not even putting up a token protest. "No doubt. So, where do we go first?"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I got a hideout I use to store extra costumes and props, as well as lay low every now and then," Harley said. "If I show it to you, you gotta promise not to use it against me."

"Alright, but if I ever look for you as a superhero, I'll probably find it with my X-ray vision without half trying," Xander warned.

Harley snorted. "Trust me, X-ray vision won't show a thing."

"On my honor, I swear not to use any secrets you've revealed to me in confidence against you," Xander promised.

"Piggyback!" Harley announced, suddenly hopping on his back.

"Up, up, and away!" Xander said dramatically before they shot off into the sky with Harley screaming in surprise and delight.

Ivy sighed heavily. "I am surrounded by lunatics," she said, "not that that's anything new." She smiled and hummed as she went to get everything ready.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"A reform school?" Xander asked in disbelief.

"It's like a cross between a high school and a prison," Harley explained as they landed on the roof. "Who would come here willingly?"

Xander looked around at the concrete buildings with bars on the windows and the wrought iron fence with sharpened spikes on top. "Teens and criminals would avoid it like a cat avoids a dog pound."

"Plus it's got like twenty layers of lead paint on everything," Harley added. She walked over to the roof access and hit the side of the door frame in just the right spot to pop it open, revealing the stairs down.

Xander followed her down into the building, it's freshly waxed tile floor and spotless penitentiary gray walls gleaming under the overhead florescent lights making him shiver.

"It's leased to a bunch of nuns doing some kind of outreach," Harley said, placing her thumb on a fingerprint scanner that unlocked a room without a number. "They pay the bills and keep it clean for me."

Xander sighed in relief as they entered the room, which turned out to be a studio apartment decorated in Harley's signature style.

Harley raised an eyebrow. "Bad memories?"

"Bad vibes," Xander said, picking up a stuffed unicorn off her bed and cuddling it. "I gotta admit this is a genius hideout, I would never imagine you being here willingly."

"Thanks, now turn around so I can change," Harley ordered.

"I've seen you naked and have X-ray vision," Xander pointed out amused.

"Yeah, but the social context was completely different," she replied. "As is, I am showing a lot of trust allowing you in my room while changing."

"And here I thought you ignored all social contracts," Xander said, turning his back to her.

"Nah, I just use a modified one," Harley replied. "Take a peek and give me your opinion."

Xander turned around and found Harley was only wearing a matching black lace bra and panty set. "What kind of opinion are you looking for? I think Ivy will love it, it looks like something Doctor Quinzel would wear under her clothes on a day she felt like she needed a bit of an ego boost, and if you simply wore your lab coat and glasses over it, they'd put you in Playboy."

"You are dangerously perceptive," Harley said, looking shocked before a grin wiped the expression away. "So, Playboy?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "It takes more than that to distract me, I am an expert at using humor to deflect attention, but I'm not going to pry. What opinion were you looking for?"

Harley's smile became a hair more honest and some of the subtle tension left her frame. "I'm going to trade one of my costumes to a collector for a tuxedo worn by Houdini himself. I figure a bit of a show would seal the deal, since the costume alone wouldn't be worth it."

"Simple T-back underwear and sports bra," Xander suggested. "Include them in the trade along with a handkerchief you use to wipe off your makeup. You don't need to change in their sight, its easily worth it to have a more complete set like that and you can change into the good doctor with the matching underwear set to use on Ivy tonight."

"Collectors are a different breed than fences," Harley said thoughtfully. "Think I should include one of my old mallets?"

"Only if you want their first born," Xander replied. "If it's damaged and has a good story behind it you can probably get an extra kidney."

Harley smirked. "OK, new plan. You go find Batgirl and I'll meet you both at the hotdog stand she likes in the park. If something comes up, she has my cell. Now, shoo! And put Stabby back on the bed."

Xander put the stuffed unicorn back where he'd gotten him from. "Any ideas where I should look?"

"Everywhere," Harley replied cheerfully. "Find any of the bat themed capes and they can pass a message to the others."

"Alright, I'm on it," Xander said, taking a moment to brace himself before exiting Harley's little island of sanity in the institutional nightmare at Flash-like speeds.

Harley chuckled, amused at how the place had unnerved him.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander did a quick scan of the neighborhood and was forced to break up several fights, two muggings, and one attempted rape…

The redhead's arms were tied to the bed posts and her pale blue blouse was half ripped off, revealing the simple white bra beneath, she cringed back from the broad-shouldered man in the black leather outfit as he loomed over her.

Xander burst through the balcony doors and the woman's eyes lit up. 'This is what being a hero is all about,' he thought to himself, seeing the joyous smile appear on her face.

"Decahedron," the broad-shouldered man said, causing the redhead to pout. "I did not agree to a threesome," he said firmly. "Seriously, we need some informed consent here. You know sudden surprises make me uncomfortable."

"What?" she asked, confused. "You didn't arrange for this?"

"No," the man said, moving protectively in front of her as he realized she hadn't arranged for the caped intruder.

Xander folded his legs up under himself so he was sitting in midair. "I apologize, I thought something completely different was going on," he said, blushing bright red.

"You are a real superhero," the man said, surprised.

"Let me have this one, and you can invite your ex," the redhead told him, licking her lips.

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Gunshots, gotta go!" Xander lied, vanishing in a burst of speed.

"Damn!" the woman cursed.

"There is a dating app for people who like to roleplay as capes," the man said thoughtfully. "If you want a threesome where a hero and villain 'fight' over you, we could register as a couple and see who is available."

The woman chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Does your ex have a cape in his closet?"

"If not, we can improvise," he promised.

"Call him," she said with a grin.

"Oh thank god, a distraction," Xander said as he flew towards a local park where two teen gangs were about to get into it. 'I really wish my hearing wasn't this good,' he thought to himself as he heard the couple making intimate plans to recreate the scene he'd stumbled into with an ex playing Xander's part.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Alan poured nearly an entire ring charge into the hammer, which had taken on a greenish tinge. He was taking his time so as not to strain himself, after all though he hated to admit it, he was getting on in years.

Still, after a full dozen charges had been placed in the hammer, he had to say he wasn't feeling tired at all, more the opposite, he felt energized.

"I can probably go a little faster," he decided as he recharged his ring once more.

 _On a throne covered in ice, a one-eyed figure shifted in his sleep._

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

A simple show of force had sent both gangs fleeing, save for a lone figure who couldn't have been more than fourteen, who simply stood and glared.

Xander scanned him, noting several high tech devices on his person. "What?"

"I'd been infiltrating that gang for weeks!" the boy who was probably Robin said angrily.

"And if you had run off with them you would still be in place," Xander replied with a shrug. "It's not my fault you can't act like a normal person and pretend to be afraid."

The boy took a deep breath, ready to tear into him, and then deflated. "Yeah, not my finest moment. Glad this was only training."

"Where's Batgirl?" Xander asked.

"What?" maybe Robin asked.

"Kara wanted me to invite her to movie night," Xander explained. "Kara hasn't seen many movies made in the last forty years, so we're having a Spielberg night."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" almost definitely Robin demanded.

"Because you can call it in and check?" Xander asked, rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah," Robin said, embarrassed. "I'm kinda new at this, give me a break!"

"Fine, sorry for being a bit sarcastic," Xander apologized.

Robin nodded and tilted his head, his eyes losing focus as he listened to something on a bone induction mic, so Xander couldn't hear it unless he made a determined effort. "Batgirl is on the corner of fifteenth and central. It's pretty dead where she is, so she could use some company."

"Thanks kid, I appreciate it," Xander said before vanishing in a blur of speed.

"Don't call me-" Robin began but stopped as he noticed the new Kryptonian had vanished. "I need to do some research, I didn't even know there was a new El flying around."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

On reaching the corner Robin had directed him to, Xander paused to appreciate how he'd been set up as he landed. 'Truth hidden by sarcasm,' he thought. 'I give it a nine out of ten.'

Solomon Grundy stared at Xander.

Xander stared at the massive zombie.

Solomon Grundy roared and rushed at Xander.

"Look-" Batgirl began when the blond Kryptonian vanished, reappearing just to the side of the hulking albino and tripping him, "out!" she finished as Xander grabbed the undead creature's foot and spun until the two of them were little more than a blur.

Xander released Grundy, launching him high in the sky, his form getting smaller and smaller until he vanished from sight.

"Where did you send him?" Batgirl asked.

"The moon," Xander replied.

"That'll kill him!" Batgirl exclaimed, horrified.

Xander stared at her and waited for her to realize her mistake.

"Oh yeah, zombie," she said with a blush.

"Got any other immortal creatures that can't be contained and keep causing trouble?" Xander asked.

"Clayface, but I think he's locked up right now," Batgirl replied. "Who are you?"

"Superguy," Xander answered with a big grin.

"Superguy?" she asked with a snicker.

"Fighting for peace and love… Wait, that's Sailor Moon. Fighting for truth, justice, and the Canadian way!" Xander posed dramatically, making his cape flutter in a non-existent wind.

Batgirl burst out laughing. Behind her, broken chunks of concrete moved, the earth beneath them shifting to settle them back in place.

"Superman is taken, Superboy is right out, and Superlad is a bit too British," Xander explained. His eyes lit up. "I could use Superdude!" His shoulders slumped. "Nah, too late for that, all the reports read Superguy."

"Well, Superguy," she said with a grin, "I appreciate the help."

Glass shards crawled back into place as metal frames slowly straightened unnoticed around them.

"Kara sent me to invite you to movie night," Xander said. "I'm providing transportation and Harley said she'll meet us at your favorite hotdog stand when she's ready for a pickup."

"Doesn't she have warrants out for her right now?" Batgirl asked while using a text-based communicator to check Xander's credentials.

"Yeah, but I've got her in protective custody," Xander said. "I've basically deported her and Ivy to the middle of nowhere, we're just here to pick up some things for movie night with Kara."

"So where is she?" Batgirl asked.

"No idea," Xander replied, unconcerned.

"Doesn't sound very protective to me," she said with a grin.

"Mostly it's me protecting the world from her, but I'm on a break right now," Xander joked.

Cracks in windows vanished as the shards of glass melted together behind Batgirl.

 ***ring*ring***

"That's probably her now," Xander said.

Batgirl pulled out a cell phone. "Yeah? Hey, Harley, it's nice to hear from you. What's on fire? How many orphanages?!"

Xander grinned. "Super hearing," he reminded her.

Batgirl stuck her tongue out at him while Harley's laughter rang out clearly from her phone.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	10. Chapter 10

Harley smiled as Batgirl and Xander entered the park. She quickly finished off her hotdog and greeted the pair, "Bats, you coming?"

"To movie night?" Batgirl asked, curious as to how this had come about.

"Yeah, Supergirl ain't seen a lot of Earth movies," Harley said shaking her head. "A lot of pop culture comments completely pass her by because she doesn't get the references, that has to cause some feelings of alienation."

"I hadn't thought of that," Batgirl admitted with a frown, annoyed at herself for missing something so basic.

"Tonight we are binge watching Spielberg movies," Harley explained.

"That does sound like fun," Batgirl admitted. "Where are we doing it?"

"A magically hidden island in the arctic," Harley said. "The place is all sorts of magical."

Seeing Batgirl tensing up a little Xander added, "You can use the League's teleporters, they registered the place for me, and Flash and Superman have both visited recently, so it should be programmed in."

Batgirl relaxed. "Sounds like fun. What time?"

"An hour or so from now," Xander said, "we are just setting it all up."

"I'll be there," Batgirl promised.

"Good, now I just have to locate Zatanna," Harley said.

"Why Zatanna?" Batgirl asked.

"I have several genuine and verified magician suits to trade for some fruit," Harley explained.

"Fruit?"

"Magical fruit Supergirl mentioned," Harley explained.

'They are really going all out,' Batgirl thought. "I'll finish my patrol and meet you there." She turned and shot a grappling hook into the sky before vanishing into the air.

"How are we going to locate Zatanna?" Harley thought aloud.

"Is she performing anywhere?" Xander asked.

"She regularly headlines in Vegas," Harley said. "So, we should check there first."

"Hop on," Xander said as Harley retrieved her garment bags from the bench.

 **Two minutes later**

"She's on the Marque," Xander said as they landed in front of the Crystal Plaza Casino.

"That was quick," Harley said as she hopped off his back.

"Super speed and vision," Xander replied.

"As long as it works," Harley replied, running her fingers through her hair and passing the garment bags to Xander to carry.

The pair entered the casino, the sounds of slot machines and gamblers washing over them accompanied by a plethora of flashing lights and the smell of tobacco and booze.

Harley sighed. "I really should come her for fun sometime."

"Gambling or robbery?" Xander asked with a grin.

"Either, though if I'm going straight-ish, I should probably stick to gambling, maybe a little rumble with security if the place tries to cheat me," Harley said thoughtfully.

"Sounds good," Xander agreed.

"This way," Harley said, guiding them to an information desk.

"How may I help you?" the slender woman behind the counter asked through her fake smile.

"Can you inform Zatanna she has a member of the House of El here on business?" Harley requested.

The woman looked Xander over. "It's a convincing costume, but Supergirl is the only blonde Kryptonian there is," the woman pointed out, frowning as she tried to figure out if they'd be trouble or not.

Xander leaned forward and twin lances of red light speared her coffee, heating it up.

"Then again I am not an expert on Superheroes," the woman allowed, relaxing as he seemed to be related to Superman. "Would you care to wait at the bar?"

"That would be fine, thanks," Harley said as a man in a tuxedo stepped forward at the woman's gesture.

The two were escorted to a private upscale lounge, which was almost jarringly quiet compared to the main room.

"Swanky," Harley noted as a waiter appeared as soon as they sat down at a table. "Scotch on the rocks."

"Orange juice blended with ice," Xander requested.

"We still need to pick up popcorn, drinks, and snacks," Xander reminded her.

"Can you pop popcorn in bags?" Harley asked. "It's better fresh."

"Easily," Xander replied, "one of the first things I practiced was cooking with psychokinesis and with me you don't end up with uncooked kernels in the bottom of the bag."

"Good, then we can just give our order to the waiter and they'll have it ready for us when we leave," Harley said.

"Huh?"

"It's Vegas," she explained, "if you got the cash they'll get whatever you want."

"I always pictured it as requesting strange and illegal things, not simply skipping out on hitting a corner store," Xander said.

"When you are rich and famous you often can't pop in at a corner store," Harley said, "not without making a scene anyway."

"That makes sense," Xander said.

Harley took a small pad of paper out of her purse and wrote up a list of things before passing it to Xander. "Here, add some stuff."

Xander looked at the list. "No ice cream?"

"Already got it," Harley promised, "also housewares and dishes and such."

"When you guys went shopping earlier," Xander realized.

"Yeah, we just somehow forgot popcorn and drinks," Harley said accepting her drink from the waiter.

Xander accepted his drink and passed the list to the waiter.

"I'll have it ready for your departure," the waiter promised after glancing at it.

Harley handed him two hundred dollars. "Keep the change."

"So, tell me about yourself," Harley said.

"Too many listeners," Xander said, "this place is wired for sound so they can monitor their guests."

"Ahh, the secretive type," she joked.

Xander shrugged. "Information is key to survival."

"But you got all those powers," she said, "like… super everything."

"And I'm super secretive," Xander said with a grin. "I live on a magically protected island for a reason."

"Huh," Harley said surprised, "I thought it was just fulfilling a juvenile fantasy."

"Things can have more than one purpose," Xander assured her.

"Harley and?" Zatanna asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"Ack!" Harley fell off her seat.

Xander laughed. "Perfect pratfall," he complimented her.

"Thanks," Harley said cheerfully as she retook her seat.

"Superguy," Xander said, offering his hand.

Zatanna shook his hand. "I was unaware there was another Kryptonian kicking around, much less one related to superman."

"Yet your reactions say otherwise," Harley said looking her over.

"I think she means she was unaware before she checked with the League," Xander explained.

"Exactly, so what business do you have with me?"

"I have three tuxedos worn by Penn, Teller, and Houdini," Harley explained, "all verified with certificates of authenticity."

Zatanna smiled. "Alright you've got my attention. What is it you want in trade?"

"Supergirl mentioned there were magical fruits, specifically dirigible plums and melody melons," Harley said. "All we need are magical fruit seeds and maybe some instructions on growing, preparing, eating, etc."

"It's difficult to grow them outside a magical environment," Zatanna said, "but I can't see the harm in it. You have a deal."

"Cool" Xander said, pleased things had gone so well. He sighed. "I'm hearing screams from the main drag, if you'll excuse me."

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Zeus ignored the scrying pool he'd been using to watch Cinemax as he felt the stirring from one of the few beings he'd acknowledge as an equal.

Turning back to the pool he called up a vision of what had stirred Odin from his long sleep. A mortal was empowering an artifact that called on the divinity of the Aesir.

"That won't do at all, it's millennia too early to wake them," he decided reaching out to break the bond to the sleeping pantheon. "Power of Thor?" he mused and then grinned. "I believe a change is in order."

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Xander slammed his fist down killing another giant lobster. "Where are they coming from?" he asked the air as he scanned his surroundings looking for a portal or an enormous pot of boiling water.

 ***CRACK***

He spun around in the air and found Harley had just killed a bear sized crab with a large wooden mallet. "Where in the world were you hiding that?" he couldn't help but ask before holding up a hand. "Don't tell me, I don't want to know."

Harley smirked and tossed another twenty to the waiter.

"Whos em eht htap fo eseht serutaerc," Zatanna intoned waving her wand and creating a glowing blue trail behind the massive crustaceans.

"You are dead handy to have around," Harley said, before rushing after Xander who was a blur of motion as he moved people out of danger and crushed the irate sea creatures.

Harley and Zatanna followed the trail, staying just ahead of Xander as he zipped about.

"A seafood restaurant?" Harley asked in disbelief as the glowing blue trail led through a destroyed plate glass window.

"I sense… dimensional magics at play," Zatanna said, as Xander joined them.

"Environmental activists?" Xander guessed.

"I don't see any giant chickens," Harley said with a shrug, causing Zatanna to stare at her in confusion.

Xander scanned the restaurant. "I'm seeing giant tentacles trying to squeeze through a tiny blue hole in the kitchen."

"Then that's our portal," Zatanna said.

A few seconds passed in silence before Zatanna said, "Don't everyone rush in there at once."

"I ain't getting near anything with tentacles," Harley said resolutely.

"What?" Xander asked as he noticed the two staring at him.

"Aren't you going to rush in and save the day?" Harley asked.

"The portal is slowly shrinking and there aren't any people in there," Xander said, "I think the day is fine on its own."

Wonder Woman landed a few feet away. "Zatanna, the police reported an emergency, is everything taken care of?"

"Almost," Zatanna replied.

"Something in the restaurant?" Wonder Woman asked, but as she stepped forward Xander blocked her path.

"The portal is closing, there's no one in there, and the tentacles are being forced to pull back," he quickly explained.

"Yes, let's just keep people away until it's closed then," Wonder Woman agreed.

"Are these things safe to eat?" Harley asked Xander, gesturing to where some people were examining a dead car sized lobster.

Xander turned and examined a couple of them before monitoring the portal once more. "They look normal."

"Tceted nosiop ro esaesid," Zatanna intoned, causing a light green aura to surround one of the bear sized crabs. "They appear fine if oversized."

Harley poked Xander. "Save us a lobster."

Xander nodded. "The portal just has a huge eye looking through it now, but it's only about the size of a large pizza." He blurred for a second and there was suddenly a giant lobster on the sidewalk.

"It should be safe to investigate," Zatanna said, checking with Xander who nodded.

"And with that out of the way, I think I have some cooking to do," Xander said.

"Gonna need a big pot," Harley said, "and we need to go get our stuff from the casino."

"Not going to stick around and find out what caused all this?" Wonder Woman asked.

"An amateur messing with magic," Xander replied. "I'll check with the League later but I'm guessing either some idiot who disagreed with people eating seafood or some idiot who thought he could save some money and get it fresher."

"More than likely," Zatanna agreed as she opened the door and looked inside, ignoring the water that flooded out the door to fill the gutter.

"If you find the spellbook, let me know," Xander said, "I have uses for giant sea life." He hoisted the lobster onto his shoulder.

"You're a magic user?" Zatanna asked stunned.

"It's one of my weaknesses of course I study magic," he replied amused. "Later."

Their waiter was waiting outside with a crate.

"Excellent service here," Harley said with a smile.

"With managements compliments," the waiter said, holding out an envelope. "They were very happy there were no injuries thanks to your fast response."

"I love Vegas," Harley said cheerfully. "By the way, the crabs and lobsters are safe to eat." She slid the envelope into her purse.

The waiter gave a slight bow and hurried to talk to some people inside.

"Now, how should we do this," Xander said. "I know." He set the lobster on the ground and grabbed the crate. "Climb on the lobster," he said, while positioning the claws to hold the crate.

Harley wedged her oversized wooden mallet in one of the claws and sat astride it like a horse. "I can't wait to see how you're going to handle this."

Xander leapt behind her and the lobster started to lift off.

"You're kidding me!" Harley exclaimed.

"Hi Ho Silver, away!" Xander called out as the took to the sky, Harley laughing delightedly.

 **Typing by: fyrewolf5**

 **AN: Only an idiot rushes a portal with tentacles coming out of it.**

 **TN: I must disagree only idiots, or fans of a very specific genre, and considering both Harley and Zatanna were waiting for Xander to rush the portal makes me question their reading habits.**

 **TN2: Oh sure, send me a new chapter for a story I've been looking forward to when I'm trying to be a productive adult, damned thing was taunting me until I gave in and typed it up.**


	11. Chapter 11

"A flying lobster?" Batgirl asked as they landed in front of the castle where Supergirl and Ivy were standing.

"We are going to need a really big pot," Ivy noted.

"Give me just a moment," Xander said vanishing in a burst of speed.

"Alright, I'll bite, where did you two get a giant lobster?" Supergirl asked.

"Vegas," Harley said.

After a few seconds of silence Ivy groaned and Supergirl asked, "And that's all you're going to say?"

Batgirl snickered. "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

Supergirl laughed. "I've seen those commercials." She was pleased to find she got a pop culture reference.

"I'll ask Xander," Ivy said, "I don't think he'll take the joke nearly as far as Harley will."

"What joke?" Xander asked as he appeared with a massive obsidian pot, easily big enough to fit the lobster in.

"How do you do that?!" Batgirl demanded.

"Do what?" Xander asked.

"Teleport!"

"I didn't teleport," Xander said as Supergirl started heating the pot with her heat vision.

"You appeared instantly with no gust of wind or crack of the sound barrier," Batgirl explained, "that means teleportation."

"No, I use superspeed and I was very careful about disturbing the air," Xander explained.

"Superman creates a burst of wind when he does that, and he deliberately tries to avoid causing a burst of wind," Batgirl said.

"I have more finesse," Xander replied.

"Yes, but do you have butter?" Ivy asked.

Xander looked at the pot. "I'll be right back." He vanished and Batgirl frowned.

"How does he do that?" she complained, as the expected gust of wind failed to appear.

"He already told you," Supergirl said.

"If it was simply a matter of skill Superman would be able to do it," Batgirl disagreed.

"Xander is teaching me, so believe me when I say he's not lying," Supergirl said smugly.

"What can he teach you that Superman can't?" Batgirl asked.

"The ways of amore!" Harley said dramatically.

"I meant about Kryptonian powers," Batgirl said rolling her eyes but unable to stifle a grin at Supergirl's blush.

"He does things Superman has probably never thought of," Ivy said bluntly.

"No probably about it," Supergirl said. "Xander has me questioning everything. Heck, I developed an ability today that neither of them have."

"Really?" Batgirl asked.

"Magnokinesis," Supergirl said proudly. "I haven't had a chance to experiment with it yet, but I discovered it while trying to master his first exercise."

"How much do you know about him? What's his story?" Batgirl asked.

"Can the paranoia," Harley said. "I know you guys in the Batclan feel the need to treat everyone as a threat, but it's a good way to torpedo a developing relationship."

Batgirl looked at Supergirl who suddenly was very interested in the cooking lobster.

"J'ohnn has scanned his mind," Supergirl pointed out.

"Ah, OK," Batgirl said, backing off. "It'll be nice to have another hero around. So, what's the tv setup here like? Kryptonian tech or just an Earth widescreen?"

Harley giggled.

"What?"

"He uses magic," Ivy explained.

"What?!"

"He's a magic using Kryptonian," Ivy said amused at Batgirl's response.

"I suppose next you are going to tell me he's immune to kryptonite," Batgirl said, just as Xander appeared with a large wooden barrel.

"No, but it's not that hard to arrange," Xander said.

"You can make yourself immune to kryptonite?" Supergirl asked.

"It's a very specific form of radiation," Xander replied as he set the barrel down.

"Where did you get a barrel of butter?" Harley asked.

"Amish country," Xander replied. "I did some work for an Amish community for a barrel of butter, took all of five seconds."

"Back to the kryptonite thing," Batgirl said. "How can you make yourself immune to kryptonite?"

"Magic," Xander replied. "There are already spells the protect against radiation, I just have to tweak one to guard against kryptonite."

"Next you'll be telling me you have protections against mental attacks," Batgirl said.

"Why wouldn't I?" Xander asked.

"Don't you have any weaknesses?!" Batgirl demanded.

"Not if I can help it," Xander replied. "The first thing anyone sane should do is figure out their weaknesses and work on eliminating them or at least minimizing them."

After a few seconds of silence Harley spoke up, "He does have a point."

"Wait," Xander said. He turned to Supergirl. "You don't have any mental defense training?"

"Not really." she admitted.

"OK," Xander said, "looks like I'll be adding that to the list."

"You can teach mental defense?" Harley asked curiously.

"I'm a touch telepath," Xander replied, "and it can really help unfuck your head."

"Unfuck your head?" Ivy asked amused.

"It's a psychiatric term," Xander assured her.

The girls turned to Harley who burst out laughing.

"OK, it's my psychiatric term," Xander admitted. "A big part of developing mental defenses involves learning about your own mind, which fixes a lot of mental fuck ups."

Ivy and Harley both turned to one another and gave each other speculative looks.

"And in a complete change of topic, what is on the schedule for tonight?" Supergirl asked.

"Cantrips, snacks, and a Steven Spielberg marathon," Xander said.

"Cantrips?" Harley asked.

"Mending cloth," Xander said, "it's the very first spell most apprentices learn after lighting candles."

"You're teaching magic?" Batgirl asked surprised.

"Yeah," Xander said. "Cantrips are useful things to know, why wouldn't I teach them?"

"Sorry, I think the Castle of Doom is making me paranoid," Batgirl admitted. "It looks like the perfect villain's lair."

"That's what it's supposed to do," Xander agreed.

"We still have to import the dinosaurs," Harley reminded him.

"That has to wait until the vegetation is firmly entrenched and we have a large population of smaller creatures," Xander said.

"I'm going to need sample of all the prehistoric flora," Ivy reminded him.

Batgirl raised an eyebrow and grinned. "This is Kong Island. How did I miss that?"

"Because I'm still building it," Xander replied.

"Lobster's ready," Supergirl said.

"I'll get the plates," Harley said, activating an Arch and stepping through.

"I'm not going to ask," Batgirl decided.

"We have a bit too much lobster for just us," Supergirl noted.

"We have a bit too much for a lobster buffet next to an overeaters anonymous meeting," Ivy said.

"We could invite a few dozen more people form the Watchtower," Xander said, not minding meeting some more heroes. "Just for dinner though, I'm not really set up for guests yet."

"I'll spread the word," Supergirl said.

 **Shortly**

"That castle is definitely the home of a villain," Beastboy said, speaking up a little to be heard over the crowd in the courtyard.

"Actually, it's from a classic black and white monster movie," Batgirl explained, having told at least a dozen people so far.

"Volcanic island, black obsidian castle… Kong Island?" Beastboy asked hopefully.

"That's the one," she agreed.

"Does he have any dinosaurs?!" Cyborg asked excitedly.

"Not yet, he has to get the plants and small animals for them to eat setup first," Batgirl explained.

Starfire listened and ate large amounts of lobster dipped in mustard. "Has anyone seen Robin?"

"Miles of perfectly flat obsidian with a castle in the center," The Trickster said with a whistle, "talk about style. The only way it could be cooler was if it was on top of a volcano on an island filled with dinosaurs."

"As I understand it, he has to have Ivy grow the plants they need to feed them before he brings them here," Flash replied.

"How did we go from being arrested to here?" Captain Boomerang asked Captain Cold.

"We hadn't done anything to get arrested for yet," Captain Cold replied. "Place has some great lobster too."

"If we'd actually committed a crime I'd have spent the money on lobster anyway," Golden Glider said. "Ohh, that's Ice, I've always wanted to meet her."

"Have you seen Canary?" Green Arrow asked Captain Atom.

"I believe she, Wonder Woman, and Vixen went to try the hot springs," he replied.

"Hmm, while it would be a great sight to see… I don't think making them all pissed at me at once would be a wise idea," Green Arrow decided.

"Have you seen Robin?" Batman asked Superman.

"I believe he decided to poke around in the castle," Superman replied.

"That is rather unfortunate," Dr. Fate said, "the spells on the castle will move him about randomly until he's released."

"Why would they do that?" Superman asked.

"Because he was not invited in," Dr. Fate replied, "it's a common magical defense."

"This is a safe place to learn that lesson," Batman decided, taking a sip of coffee.

"Good, because I believe Speedy is learning it as well," Dr. Fate said.

Xander slid through the crowd a number of trays floating behind him and landing on the nearby obsidian tables.

"Sorry this got out of hand," Supergirl apologized.

"Don't be," Xander said, "this is pretty fun and I've gotten to meet all sorts of people."

Supergirl looked around at all the heroes and handful of villains and slipped her fingers through Xander's. There were far too many single females around for her tastes.

"When I do get everything finished we'll throw a proper housewarming party," Xander said.

Heroes vanished and reappeared as they used the teleporters to handle assignments or bring what they thought the party needed.

"Too bad there's no beer," Guy said, not really minding.

"Or champagne," Fire agreed.

"But not bad for a party while being on shift," Firestorm said. He'd brought half a dozen pizzas for those who didn't like shellfish.

"There is that," Guy agreed with a grin.

"There really should have been some mention of the island in the historical records," Booster Gold complained to his robotic companion, Skeets.

"Perhaps it was removed for security reasons," the little flying AI suggested.

Black Adam landed next to Xander. "Greetings, Xander. I see you are having a party, I hope I am not interrupting anything."

"Not at all, your majesty," Xander assured him. "This is just an informal get together. Most of the people here are still on duty, simply waiting for assignment or returning from them."

Black Adam nodded. "I come to give you my thanks," he said. "The runes you taught me uncovered several threats to my people and one to my son himself. You have done me a great service."

"Less evil in the world is a great service to all of us," Xander assured him, "but I'm happy to hear my lessons have aided you."

"Never the less, I feel I owe you a great debt, if ever you need my assistance feel free to call on me," Black Adam said, "and call me Adam." He offered his hand.

Xander clasped his forearm. "Gladly and in return if you ever need assistance or just to bend someone's ear, my door is always open."

"The latter is more likely than the former," Black Adam admitted. "Power I have, wisdom is an ongoing process, no matter what anyone may believe."

"I know the feeling," Xander agreed. "If I don't look back at the last year and call myself a dumbass at least once, it's because I am still the same dumbass."

Black Adam chuckled. "Even with the wisdom of the gods I have felt much the same."

"You have an aura of almost complete chaos," Dr. Fate said, as he approached, his hands beginning to glow gold as he sensed the potential chaos the new kryptonian contained.

Xander could feel himself instinctively respond in kind to the being of order, memories of his friends being put in harm's way by the Powers That Be, by use of fate and prophecy. He himself being barred from his home by those Fuckers! It was all he could do not to attack him on sight.

Black Adam was as good as his word, moving to stand at Xander's side should a battle break out as Batman and Superman moved to support Dr. Fate.

Supergirl wavered for a moment, but moved to Xander's side as well, knowing he'd done nothing wrong and having always found Fate a bit creepy.

"Chaos worshipers always come to a bad end." Dr. Fate warned, feeling the touch of several gods on Xander's soul.

Xander forced himself to concentrate on his mantra, the bedrock of his mental defenses to control himself.

"Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul," Xander recited aloud, finally gaining clarity of thought and control over his instinctual responses. "Greetings and defiance, Dark One." He extended a hand.

Dr. Fate slowly nodded, releasing the power he'd been calling up and clasping hands with him. "Greetings and defiance, Light Bringer."

Numerous people released the breathes they'd been holding as a battle failed to materialize and the two shook hands.

"Dark One?" Superman asked, trying to dispel the remaining tension.

"Absolute order is slavery," Xander said, "just look to Darkseid, his very purpose is to bring order to the universe."

"Order without compassion is not something I'd support," Dr. Fate said firmly. "There is a reason I am bonded to a mortal host."

"Light Bringer?" Batgirl asked, from Supergirl's side, having been overlooked until she spoke up.

"Prometheus stole fire from the gods to give to mankind," Dr. Fate explained, "but that gift was not without its drawbacks."

"Oh, I thought you were calling him Satan," Harley admitted, leaning on a large wooden mallet.

"I've never thought of myself as a bartender," Xander said shrugging it off.

"So, what was this?" Supergirl asked, as everyone scratched their head over Xander's response.

"A cosmic pissing match by forces that are blind to the nature of reality," Xander said.

"I think we need a little more explanation in your explanation," Flash said.

"Order and Chaos are in an endless battle," Dr. Fate explained. "Each rises from the other."

"If the cycle ended they'd both be… unmade," Xander explained.

"Dumb it down a bit more," Booster Gold requested.

"I'm an Order Mage, he's a Chaos Worshiper," Dr. Fate explained, "the forces that empower us make us instinctively respond with hostility when we meet for the first time."

"I'm not a Chaos Worshiper," Xander disagreed. "Chaos just… likes me."

"I can feel the rituals you've performed," Dr. Fate said.

"Change that to stumbled into," Xander replied.

"How do you stumble into something like that?" Flash asked.

"My High school principal was a dick," Xander replied.

"You have the feel of multiple rituals," Dr. Fate pointed out.

"I'm not going through my history just to appease you," Xander said. "At least some of them were by the Sorcerer Supreme of the last universe I was in to deal with the side effects of the ones I stumbled into."

"What was his name?" Dr. Fate requested.

"Dr. Strange," Xander replied.

"Ahh," Dr. Fate said with a nod before saying. "Excuse me I am needed elsewhere." He vanished in a flash of golden light.

"That's one way to end a conversation," Harley noted.

"So, you won't have a problem with him again?" Superman asked.

Xander shrugged. "Conflict is part of life."

"I think he means because of the whole chaos order thing," Harley stage whispered.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Robin leapt out the window only to find himself landing inside the entryway. "There has to be a way out!" He declared. Turning he started sprinting passing through room after room in random combinations, still he kept on, trying to exhaust whatever power was keeping him inside the castle.

After nearly a half hour of sprinting at his top speed, he stumbled to a stop and caught his breath. Looking around he saw a hot tub, steam rising from the water in it invitingly.

"Well… as long as I'm stuck here anyway…"

He sank into the water with a contented sigh, tension draining away. Almost the entire League was outside, while the situation he was in was embarrassing it was in no way dangerous.

He ducked his head under the water to rinse the sweat from his face and surfaced between Wonder Woman and Canary, he then rethought the amount of danger he was in.

 **Typing By: fyrewolf5**

 **TN: Guess Batman is about to lose a Robin.**


	12. Chapter 12

"There is a perfectly rational explanation for this," Robin said nervously.

"I'm listening," Wonder Woman offered, unconcerned.

"I had decided to check out the castle-" he began, keeping his eyes closed.

"Rookie mistake," Vixen interrupted him.

"Indeed," Wonder Woman agreed. "Poking one's nose in a Wizard's lair uninvited is never a good idea."

"Especially one who has already been cleared by the League," Canary added, "though I can't say I have much experience with magical castles myself."

"I'm beginning to realize that," Robin admitted.

"Why are you scrunching your eyes closed?" Vixen asked. "Is there some lingering spell on your sight?"

"I think he's trying to avoid giving us reasons to be angry with him," Canary explained.

"My people do not have nudity taboos," Wonder Woman pointed out.

"I'm a model," Vixen added, "I am not a shrieking violet or in any way modest."

Canary chuckled. "I have a decent amount of modesty, but since you are going to have to walk through the courtyard, in view of half the League, completely naked… You might as well get some value for the price you're going to pay."

Robin chuckled ruefully and opened his eyes. "Wow," he said. "Yeah, I'm going to say it's definitely worth the price of admission."

The women laughed.

"I'm surprised you don't have some bat gadget for a situation like this," Vixen admitted.

"I do… in my belt," he replied, "which is next to a hot tub in the castle."

"A trick to get your enemy to disrobe," Wonder Woman chuckled. "Classic."

"I'm surprised you stopped to use a hot tub in a castle you'd broken into," Canary said.

"A subtle spell," Vixen suggested.

"I feel less stupid now," Robin said, "and more paranoid."

"The Batclan motto," Wonder Woman joked getting a round of laughter.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Next time we do this we should make it a beach party," Harley suggested.

"I'll have to make a magically warded lagoon," Xander decided as he considered the idea.

"Why's that?" The Trickster asked curiously, Flash and his Rogue's gallery having drifted over to where the only other villains were.

"Not everyone is going to be dinosaur proof," Xander replied, "so some safe areas are a must for entertaining guests."

"You're going to have to ward the Greenhouse," Harley said.

"Actually, with all the work Ivy is doing for me, I thought she might like something a little more impressive," Xander said.

"Like what?" Ivy asked curiously.

"I have four smaller volcanic islands surrounding the central island," Xander said. "I was thinking of a giant glass dome over the top of one of the other volcanoes to make the world's largest greenhouse."

"You are a generous employer," Ivy said, thinking of what she could grow with that much space.

"Could you carve the volcano into the shape of a rook so it looks like a giant castle?" Harley asked excitedly.

"Sure," Xander agreed. "Do you want to ward the entire island or would you prefer the it to have dinosaurs as well?"

"I'm not a big fan of massive animals," Ivy said, "are there any other choices?"

"Sure," Xander agreed, "the volcano puts out enough power that I can set up any type of environment you desire."

"How about multiple ones?!" Harley asked excitedly. "Tundra, desert, jungle in perfect squares like a giant chessboard!"

"Shape the volcano like a queen, have some smaller giant pieces that are actually buildings scattered about?" Xander asked.

"You really like building things," Supergirl said with a smile.

"I do," Xander agreed. "I especially love building 'cool' things."

"Why aren't there more people like him?!" Trickster demanded. "It would be awesome but no, it's always destroy this or punch that!"

"Doesn't that include you?" Captain Cold asked bluntly.

Trickster opened his mouth, paused, and looked thoughtful. "It does," he admitted with a frown.

"Tired of breaking things?" Flash asked him. "I spend a lot of time rebuilding things myself, but I hardly ever build anything new."

"Same here," Firestorm agreed, "and my powers are practically designed to build things."

"I've- I've gotta rethink some things," Trickster said.

"Your day pass is up anyway," Flash said, "I'll give you a ride back to the hospital."

"Thanks, bro," Trickster said gratefully, before the two vanished in a burst of light.

"Hope he remembers to come back for us," Captain Boomerang said.

"I'll fly you home if he doesn't," Xander promised.

"I wish we got invited to places like this more often," Golden Glider said. "It's been fun and we didn't get arrested!"

"The Flash likes you guys and you don't cause any hassles when off the clock," Xander said. "If you guys are free when I get everything set up I'll invite you to my house warming party."

"What do you have planned?" Captain Boomerang asked.

"Next time will be a Hawaiian style luau," Xander decided. "Give me a month or two to get it all set up and we'll have a safe lagoon warded against dinos and insects."

"Count me in," Captain Cold said, "this has been enjoyable."

"Will do," Xander said as Flash appeared in a burst of light.

"Everyone ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, nice party," Captain Cold said, giving him a friendly nod. "Thanks for the invite."

"For villains, they aren't bad," Supergirl admitted once they had gone.

"There are villains who aren't trying to hurt people just to feel superior," Xander said. "Some even actually have a good reason for what they do," he waved towards Ivy who smiled, "or are just in it for a few laughs."

"I wonder who we know like that?" Batgirl asked with a grin as Harley beamed before staring at something behind them.

Everyone turned around and saw a naked Robin walking towards them with Wonder Woman, Vixen, and Black Canary.

"OK, that's new," Batgirl said with a grin.

"Robin!" Starfire called out flying over to him. "I have been looking all over for you."

"Hey Star," Robin said, keeping the advice he'd been given in mind.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"If you act like it's no big deal, people will tend to respond the same way," Black Canary explained.

"As long as you carry yourself like the warrior you are, what you wear is of no consequence," Wonder Woman said. "I've had my armor reduced to scraps before and not one person has said a rude word."

"Everyone is naked, some just cover it up better than others," Vixen said. "As they said, carry yourself as if nothing unusual is going on and wear your confidence like a cloak, and few will find fault with your manner of dress."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I did not know you were using the hot springs or I would have joined you," Starfire said with a smile, paying no attention to his lack of clothes.

"It was an accident as I ran afoul of the castle's security system, because I entered without permission," he admitted. He turned to Xander. "May I please have permission to enter your castle and retrieve my outfit?"

"Sure," Xander replied. "Where did you leave it?"

"Next to the hot tub," Robin replied.

"I have a hot tub?" Xander asked, surprised.

"You didn't… Magical Construct," Wonder Woman said with a smile.

"Exactly," Xander replied. "I can memorize how to reconstruct what Dr. Strange created, but actually understanding it is beyond me for the moment."

"Your best bet is probably politely asking the castle for the correct room when you enter," Vixen suggested.

"I'll do that, thanks," Robin said, turning to go with Starfire clinging to his arm.

"Five bucks says his next domino mask has at least a micro-speedo hidden in it somehow," Harley challenged.

"No bet," half a dozen people chorused.

"The Flash keeps his costume in a ring he wears," Xander said. "Shouldn't be too hard to get an earring or something that can do the same."

"If you don't mind wearing a micron of red paint," Ivy said. "I don't see it catching on."

"Looks like the party is breaking up," Harley noted.

"Did you guys see where Star went?" Cyborg asked as he and Beastboy walked over.

"In the castle," Xander said, waving them towards it absently.

"About time to start our own, as soon as we clean up a bit," Supergirl noted.

"Shouldn't take more than a minute," Xander said, "but no use of traditional powers. Levitate items, don't lift them, and if you are going to incinerate trash, use either straight pyrokinesis or fire breath, no heat vision."

"Everything is training Daniel-san, wax on, wax off!" Harley said in a poor attempt at Mr. Miyagi.

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "Practice when it's not important so you can do it when it is."

He grinned as he saw Superman and Batman staring as Supergirl used stage movements copied from Zatanna to collect trash and incinerate it. He could tell from the way her lips twitched she was trying not to laugh at their reactions to her 'magic' act.

"Nice showmanship," Zatanna noted as she joined the group with Harley and Xander, carrying a small wooden box and a handful of leather-bound books.

"Did you find out what happened with the restaurant?" Xander asked.

"An attempt by the owner to get free seafood," Zatanna replied, passing him a book. "It's in French and he mistook the word 'giant' for 'large' or at least that's my guess."

Xander opened the book and read through it in under a second. "A personal journal of a mage specializing in dimensional travel. Most of them don't last long as jumping blindly into eternity doesn't do a whole lot for your life expectancy, but he took an enormous amount of precautions." He passed the book back to Zatanna.

"I hadn't gotten that far yet," she admitted, "My French is a tad rusty and I had a show to finish."

"Brush up on it or use a translation spell because some of his protections are pretty unique," Xander said, "plus he has a list of safe dimensions and ones we would find safe even if he didn't."

"Did you get the seeds?" Harley asked excitedly.

"Melody Melons, Dirigible Plums, and Blood Oranges," Zatanna said, passing over a wooden box and a couple of books. "The books are instructions on how to grow them, though I doubt Ivy will need them."

"Blood oranges?" Xander asked curiously.

"Oranges filled with blood instead of juice," Zatanna explained. "I believe the druid who came up with them was trying to create a safe blood replenisher when he developed them. They change to match the blood of whomever picks them. They are a good started plant for learning to care for magical plants and they nourish the soil making it easier to grow magical plants in general."

"Excellent," Ivy said. "I wonder if Charles will like them."

"Charles?" Zatanna asked.

"Giant Venus Flytrap," Harley replied. "I give him chicken sandwiches when he's good."

"You spoil him," Ivy said with a chuckle.

Zatanna shook her head, amused at the byplay. "If you can grow them successfully I may have a job for you growing reagents for me. The places I shop are overcharging and even with the teleporters it's a bit of a commute."

"It'll be a good side project," Ivy said, smiling as she opened the box and could sense the seeds of plants unlike any she had ever felt before.

"Kara," Superman said, "I have a wildfire in Kenya and an animal stampede. Care to lend a hand? Shouldn't take more than half an hour."

"Sure," Supergirl said. "I'll see you in half an hour," she promised the group before vanishing with Superman.

"I have to go, let me know how things develop," Zatanna said before vanishing.

"Let's get everything set up," Xander said, seeing all the guests had left.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Harley exclaimed.

"We really need to get some greenery up here," Ivy told Xander, "it's too sterile."

"I was planning on a jungle covering the sides of the volcano," Xander told her.

"I meant the castle," she explained. "You need some house plants."

"Yes I do," Xander agreed. "I was also thinking of setting up a small forest in a magically expanded room… possibly a dozen."

"Good," Ivy said, approving of the idea.

"Can I ask you a question?" Harley asked.

"Sure," Xander replied.

"How are you and Kara doing?" Harley asked. "I mean, I know you are almost the last unrelated Kryptonians around, but you seem to be getting really close really fast while at the same time… not. I just can't figure it out."

"I guess a little background information is in order," Xander decided. "Once upon a time I was just your average teenage vampire hunter…"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I can't believe Robin bought that," Vixen said. "We'd never be able to get Batman that way."

"He really should have realized he could have asked one of us to either retrieve his clothes or borrow some from someone," Wonder Woman agreed as they reached the Watchtower's women's locker room.

"He's only nineteen, he was much more concerned with preventing certain physical reactions around us," Canary said with a grin. "Didn't you notice how deep each breath he took was?"

"Impressive skill," Vixen said. "If I'd known he was doing that, I'd have thrown an arm around him and encouraged him to be brave before we got dressed."

"I'd have clasped him to my chest and said I was proud to see one of man's world with such manners," Wonder Woman said with a grin.

Canary laughed. "You two are so evil!"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Why do we keep ending up here?" Cyborg asked.

"I don't know," Beastboy said, sitting on an oversized sofa, "but I need a break."

"Yeah," Cyborg said, sitting down, "we seem to be going in circles for some reason."

The obsidian wall the couch faced lit up.

"Welcome to Jurassic Park!" Dr. Hammond said grandly on screen.

"I love this movie!" the two chorused.

"I think a few people got left behind," Harley noted as they entered the TV room.

"Oh hey," Cyborg said. "Sorry, got distracted while looking for Robin and Star."

"This place is a maze!" Beastboy said.

Xander checked with the wards on where the two errant teens were and nodded. "Yeah, they wanted some time… to themselves, so the castle was giving you the run around."

"That was nice of it," Harley said, taking a seat on the love seat with Ivy while Xander floated the snacks onto the coffee table.

Xander sat on the sofa. "Give em an hour or so. Snacks?"

"People!" Speedy exclaimed in relief as he entered the room and saw everyone. "I was wandering through these same seven rooms for hours!"

"Shhh!" Beastboy shushed him. "This is a good part!"

Speedy saw that no one was paying attention to him and sighed before sitting on a lounger and grabbing a soda and some chips. He'd have a breakdown later.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**

 **TN: "How about multiple ones?!" Harley asked excitedly. "Tundra, desert, jungle in perfect squares like a giant chessboard!"**

 **My first thought is, "You're remaking Minecraft?"**

 **Omake by fyrewolf5: What if this happened in a more Anime inspired verse instead of a normalish DC verse?**

*Cheesy 60's Batman intro music*

TV Announcer: _Last time our stalwart sidekick found himself in some hot water, will he escape this perilous position, or has the Boy Wonder made his final Blunder?_

Robin leapt out the window only to find himself landing inside the entryway. "There has to be a way out!" He declared. Turning he started sprinting passing through room after room in random combinations, still he kept on, trying to exhaust whatever power was keeping him inside the castle.

After nearly a half hour of sprinting at his top speed, he stumbled to a stop and caught his breath. Looking around he saw a hot tub, steam rising from the water in it invitingly.

"Well… as long as I'm stuck here anyway…"

He sank into the water with a contented sigh, tension draining away. Almost the entire League was outside, while the situation he was in was embarrassing it was in no way dangerous.

He ducked his head under the water to rinse the sweat from his face and surfaced between Wonder Woman and Canary, he then rethought the amount of danger he was in.

The three women relaxing in the hotsprings had varied reactions to this sudden intrusion. Vixen as a model was mildly annoyed by the sudden appearance, but mostly unconcerned with the tights wearing sidekick showing up (come on, a grown man running around day and night with his young "ward" in tights, and no ring on either Wonder Woman or Catwoman's finger, the only two women he spends any noticeable amount of time with, that gaydar alert has been going off for decades), his lack of clothing beyond a mask didn't even surprise her, some of her "girlfriends" were quite happy to join the models in group showers or saunas to continue gossiping.

The other two however had rather… different reactions to his sudden appearance and lack of clothing.

Wonder Woman's response was a bit more immediate, "Great Hera! How dare a man intrude on our bath uninvited," pausing she took a quick look at the other two women present to make sure this wasn't like that time with the 'police officer' in the cake, that had been embarrassing to explain in the after action report. When they both shook their heads to indicate this wasn't planned she continued, "begone foul manspawn!" She stood up and grabbed him by the back of his neck and threw him with just enough strength that he wouldn't die on impact, assuming someone got him assistance quickly, this inadvertently gave him a view many men would say was worth the suffering to come.

Canary's response to the intrusion was to duck under the water leaving only her head visible and crossed her arms over her chest for added protection from the pervert that just showed up. She also decided he needed a good scolding for being such inappropriate behavior, she had just managed to get Ollie to cool it with the horndog routine and wasn't about to take it from anyone else. Taking a deep breath to properly express her displeasure, she thought '150 decibels sounds about right.'

Satisfied that she had made her point Wonder Woman sat back down to continue enjoying the hot-springs, confident that there would be no further unexpected interruptions, now that she knew the proper response, she wouldn't have minded if another 'police officer' showed up.

Once her companions were out of the line of fire, Canary stood up and decided it was her turn to address the young man and explain to the rest of the party goer's why someone without any meta powers was flying unaided **"PERVERT!"**

The added force of Canary's scream altered Robin's trajectory from a painful but potentially survivable landing near the gathered heroes (any of the speedsters could theoretically catch him and bleed off enough velocity to let him survive, a full body cast doesn't stay on _that long_ ), to something just a _little_ further out, possibly over the fog barrier and into an oncoming cargo container ship, but honestly who's really paying that much attention.

The assorted party goer's were alerted to this issue by Canary's scream, Batman quickly noted who was still at the party and who was missing, then pulled out a pair of Bat Binoculars and tracked the flying object, upset, but not really surprised when he was able to identify Robin hurtling to his doom, and muttered under his breath so quietly even the kryptonians had problems hearing him, "this is why I've got the clone tanks, and the Lazarus pit."

Xander and Kara were able to quickly identify who was flying through the air, and where their initial take off point was, seeing the cooling feminine fury and not wanting to get any closer to a naked Robin respectively, they glanced at each other and chorused, "not it!"

Superman was a fraction of a second slower in taking this all in, since he was also trying to gauge Batman's likely reaction to the potential loss of his sidekick. Seeing as Batman seemed to be more resigned then upset, he glared at the other two kryptonians and took off to try and save the boy's life, leaving a strong gust of wind in his wake, causing Harley, Ivy and Kara to giggle, with the former two commenting about power not being everything and his needing to work on finesse, while Batgirl groaned.

Once everyone started figuring out who the "victim" was and what happened, there were many mixed reactions. The magic users were curious how he had managed to annoy the castle enough to cause it to use a passive defense spell to send him into a potentially lethal situation. Green Arrow merely turned to Captain Atom and said, "And this is why I didn't go take a look myself."

Most of the women felt it was a valid if slightly strong reaction, while the men were slightly jealous of what was seen, but mostly just glad it hadn't been them sent to their potential doom.

Not having the full set of powers of a Kryptonian, it took Starfire a few seconds to fly up and figure out what had happened, when she did, her eyes started glowing furiously and she downed the full bottle of mustard in her hand, fortunately no one was close enough to hear her next comment except for Xander and Kara who wisely kept it to themselves. "If friend Robin wished to see a naked woman, why did he not ask me? Does he not find my grebnaks enjoyable anymore, I've seen him looking at them enough times, I was sure he was bound to ask sooner or later." Deciding she could no longer let him set the pace, she resolved to have a TALK with Robin once he had recovered enough (the full body cast would prevent him from disappearing during the conversation, an annoying habit he had picked up from his mentor), to figure out what was going on between them, she only hoped the rumors she had heard about why he wore tights weren't true.

Fortunately or not, Superman was able to catch Robin before he took any more damage, and after slowing down, teleported them up to the Watch Tower and put Robin into a med-bay to recover, with an alert to inform himself and Batman if there were any changes to his status, then returned to the party to talk with Batman and make sure no one else ended up in traction today.

In truth, the only reason Robin would survive was because Canary hadn't noticed that Wonder Woman's throw had a bit of a spin to it causing Robin to be hit in the front with her scream and allowing him to have a brief unobscured view of her full glory, before being sent flying further. As he started losing consciousness due to the pain from the powerful hits, his last thoughts were, "fucking bullshit magic!" And "that was totally worth it."


End file.
